I get that. Physically I am a slow healer as well, but more so internally. Once I have been hurt by someone, whether intentionally or unintentionally, I slowly heal from the pain, but even more slowly do I heal enough to let them back in. I'm certainly not saying that is a good thing. Some hurts take a short time to heal. They weren't all that bad, probably unintentional, and therefor easier to heal quickly. Others take years to heal. They are deep wounds. They may have been unintentionally but their impact was significant enough to cause extensive damage.
Then there are the intentional wounds. The ones that someone did out of anger, malice, cowardliness, or just plain selfishness. Naturally a wound like that, done purposely, makes me want nothing to do with the person. Some of these relationships ended because there was no really relationship to begin with. Some continued for awhile until I realized that they weren't ever going to be good. I was going to keep taking less than best, sometimes taking worst, and the other person was going to keep on dishing it out. Some relationships are so entwined, that they are still present, but at a very strained level. A family relationship would be an example. I know some people do cut family ties completely, but I'm not sure I could do that.
What does being a slow healer mean? For me, it means slowly trusting again. It means not opening up to that person for awhile, if ever. It means being a fast learner. Don't do A again because it results in B from this person. It means not taking risks. It means not trusting. It means not opening up, but rather closing off. It means strained relationships. It means not living a life of freedom.
Slow healing from an incision means not being able to swim until it heals. Not being able to do something that you enjoy, a normal activity of life. Because of slow internal healing I miss out on everyday activities that I should be enjoying. I lose out on being free in relationships. I keep things, like yucky feelings, inside instead of releasing them and getting rid of them.
Like I said, this is not a good thing. Being a slow healer means something doesn't function correctly. The healing process is being slowed by something. I believe I know, at least in part, what has slowed my healing. I am sure that my Mom wishes that she was a fast healer, at least a normal healer, so she could go back to enjoying her pool. She might not be able to become a fast physical healer. I can however become a normal internal healer. Number one, I need to allow God to heal what made me a slow healer. Number two, I need to be intentional. I need to intentionally focus on not exercising in slow healer behaviors. Both of these can only be accomplished through the work of God.
That is what I want. That is what I have been working on. Or maybe I should rephrase that as that is what I am allowing God to work on. Hopefully this deep spiritual, emotional healing will be quick so that the next time hurt comes I can function as a normal healer.
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