Amazing Dream

Today my Facebook memory popped up with this incredible dream that I had a year ago. I can't believe I forgot that I even had this dream. See I dream a lot. A lot! But many are just bizarre and forget them pretty quickly, but the ones like this one, I usually remember. I'm so glad that I typed this dream up so that it could be a memory for me to see today. I will look forward to this memory popping up on my Facebook each year. 

Here's the post about the dream.

"Last night I had a dream and in it there was a place that I really wanted to be. An authority type explained why I couldn't go there. It wasn't said meanly or anything. It wasn't loud or threatening. It was stated factually. However, fear kicked in and those words that play a loop in my mind started in. Flight was my answer. But when I turned around to flea, I was face to face with myself and before I could react, other me threw arms around me. Other me got right in my ear and whisper, "stop, turn around, stand. This isn't going to turn out as he said." Other me turned me around, gave my shoulders a reassuring squeeze...and then I woke up. 

I know that other me was God's Truth speaking into that place of longing and to that place that lets fear win. I got up and went for my walk and listen to a podcast that "just so happened" to be about listening to the right Voice and used the David and Goliath encounter to make the point. 

I love how God does that! Can't say I'm looking forward to facing this particular giant but I am looking forward to seeing it fall!

Lord, help me stop, turn around, and stand in the face of fear because You are with me."

I know! Such a powerful dream! 

The Silence Evil

Last night I had a dream. At first I thought it was a bad dream, and I tried to pray it away. That only lasted a few seconds until I realized it was a spiritual dream. I want to share the dream and what it means. Be warned, it might cause you to think.

The dream began with a gathering at a lake house. It was a gathering of people, some who knew each other and others who were being introduced. I think it was two families coming together. There was a young woman, who never appeared in my dream, but they referenced her a lot. They talked for quite a long time, and people began to move about the house.

A young man entered the kitchen. It had a window over the sink that looked out to the screened-in room and beyond to the lake. About seven people still sat in the screened-in room. Others were in various rooms, but I no longer saw them. Suddenly a man entered the house.

This man was young, probably early twenties, and he was Evil. I don't mean evil was a character trait of his, but he was Evil itself. He came to kill the young woman who was mentioned but never seen in my dream. Everyone was terrified of him and they sat there in fear. He threatened them with harm if they didn't reveal where the woman was. Still no one spoke.

The only one who said anything was the young man who was in the kitchen. He told the other man that he would take on the full harm he intended as long as he left the others alone. Evil said, "do you understand that it will be awful? It will be a lot as I plan to inflict a lot of pain on them."

The young man stood tall and said, "yes."

Evil then shot the young man multiple times. He fell onto a braided rug and lay there bleeding. Unfortunately for him he was not dead, but lay there bleeding seeing what happened next. Or more accurately he heard what happened next.

Evil did not keep his word. Did you expect him to? He entered the screen-in room and put a plastic bag over the face of one of the women. He pulled the bag back and she began to suffocate. The others on the porch just sat there. They said nothing. The man then dragged another woman out into the lake and drowned her. He killed each of the people on that porch in a different way, and no one said or did anything to make him stop.

As he killed them I flashed back to seeing the man laying on the kitchen floor. A white, pure white dog came in, curled up and snuggled up next to the young man. Even as he lay there in the midst of the young man's blood, the dog remained pure white.

As Evil was stabbing another man I woke up. As I said before the first thing I did was pray, but even though the dream was horrifying I wasn't scared. I don't handle scary things well. I am not one to watch scary movies, and I refuse to watch anything with serial killers. But this dream, that should have had my heart pounding, did not have that effect on me. Instead, as I said before, it was a spiritual dream, one that showed me something.

I believe that Evil entered the house of people gathering to meet each other because of an upcoming wedding. Some of them were related or friends of the groom. I believe he was the young man in the kitchen. He was a symbol of Christ. He was willing to take on the pain and death of all the others to save them. The young woman that I didn't see I believe is the Bride. Many believe that all Christians are the Bride, but I believe the Bride is a set apart group of believers. No one knows who they are, and I am believe that is why I didn't see her.

Who are the others. I believe they are Christians and non-Christians. As I already stated, the man who burst in was Evil or satan. He knew the deal he made with Christ, but he broke that promise and killed the others. The dog I believe was a symbol of the sacrifice Christ made for us. The blood spilled did not change His purity.

Why is this post called The Silence Evil? Because the evil in this dream wasn't just the man who lied and killed others. The evil was the silence of those who sat there and let it happen. While I dreamed I kept thinking, "why don't they say anything? Why don't they just rush him and stop him from killing them?" God spoke to me and told me that we, Christians, need to stop being silent. We sit by and watch satan damage, destroy, and  kill, and we say and do little or nothing about it. We need to come together and fight satan in the ways we have been provided to. We need to pray. We need to speak truth, in love. We need to not tolerate people, but love them and not tolerate the sin. Jesus loved the woman they dragged before him and asked if she should be stoned for her sin. But He also told her to go and sin no more.

People love to pull out "judge not least ye be judged" but the Bible also tells us how to deal with a brother (or sister) who has sinned. Confronting the sin is not being judgmental, rather it's life-giving, restoration-bringing. True we aren't called to be the Pharisees who brought the adulterous woman to be stoned. They weren't even judging her, but rather condemning her to die for the sin she committed. We are to be like Christ, who loved her, but told her, "go and sin no more."

Our silence is allowing evil to spread, destroy, and kill. Our silence is evil!

Words Hurt

Yesterday someone said something that was like a dagger to my heart. The comment wasn't meant to be, but it was. I was explaining a health issue when the comment was made. "It could be premenopause."

Just like that, the knife that never feels far from my heart, was twisted. Of course, it didn't get better. She proceeded to say "hey, it happens. You're getting up there you know." Yes, insensitive, is the word I was thinking of too.

The comment made my thinking, my negative thinking, go into overdrive. My thoughts go to the one thing that I have always wanted, for as long as I can remember, to be a mom. The desires and dreams rush through my thoughts and crash in a heap. Yes, I know how old I am. I don't need to be reminded that I'm "getting up there". I don't need to be reminded that the only real dream I have ever had is quickly becoming an empty dream.

This experience surpassed all the times that I've been told that all my students are like my children. Said, each and every time, by mothers. Yeah, that compares with giving birth, or adopting a child, and being their mom for their whole life. Yup, 10 months with a child is the same thing. No, it isn't the same thing at all, not even close.

Last week something else happened and it hurt my heart too. I realized that no one knew it. No one has any idea that it hurts me. Someone loses a loved one and people are sensitive to their loss. They understand that something, even something innocent, can bring up painful thoughts and memories for the person. People are sympathetic. However, when you have a heart pain that people can't see and don't understand, you don't get that sympathy. I realized then that my suffering may never be understood, except by the others who experience it too. I know I am not the only one. I understand that and in many ways I know that means I have suffer in silence. God is the only one who hears my heart and really knows my pain.

I try to just forget about, move on, let it go. Sometimes that just doesn't work. I was busy pinning on Pinterest and knew that I needed to write about it. I ignored it until I couldn't ignore it any longer. So, I just said, "okay God, I'll write." I don't know why He asks me to do this. I don't really enjoy putting stuff like this out there. I understand we all have hurts, and some of us have unfulfilled dreams, longings. I guess sometimes it is important to let others know that they're not alone. Maybe that's the point of this post. Maybe it is just a chance for me to let some of the hurt out. Maybe God is telling me to acknowledge my pain and not ignore it, I am very good at that.

Do I know that God will fulfill my heart's desire? No, I don't know that. I know that some people never get their desire fulfilled, even people who love God and live for Him. What I do know is that He is with me, even in the pain.

Dead Eyes

Last night I had a dream that for the most part made sense, as much sense as dreams can make. There were strange locations and situations but for the most part it made sense to me. I'm not going to go into what the dream was about, I know such a tease, but one part keeps jumping out at me. That part was the part about dead eyes.

In my dream someone I used to know showed up and we started talking. He was talking about his business, I have no idea what the business was mostly because I just kept focusing on his eyes. He looked a little rough around the edges and his eyes looked dead. There was no life in them at all. They looked like regular brown eyes, they weren't crazy or scary looking, just had no life in them. Know what I mean?

It made me so sad to see eyes like that. Eyes with no hope. Eyes that have given up. Eyes of a person who is still alive, but not really living. It made my heart ache. I know the answer to eyes like that.

The answer is Jesus; giving your life to Him and having a relationship with Him. I would have dead eyes if I didn't have Jesus. My life hasn't be tragic but it hasn't always been easy. A few years ago God gave me a glimpse of what my life would be like if I didn't have a relationship with Him and that life would have been dead. It shook me to the core and I knew that I been blessed that He chose me and that I gave Him my life. I have often thought about that glimpse and everytime I do I can't do anything besides thank Him.

So what does that mean? What does it mean to surrender your life to Jesus? Does it mean going to church? Nope. Does it mean reading about Jesus and listening to people talk about Him or go to classes where you find out about Him? No. Jesus doesn't want you to just get dressed up and go to a building or just listen to people talk about Him. He wants you to be in a relationship with Him. He wants you to know Him, not just about Him. He wants you to give up the hurts you have suffered. He wants to be the Great Physician and heal those hurts. He wants you to talk with Him. He wants to reveal Himself to you in His Word and by speaking, yes, speaking to you. He isn't just someone who talks to the clergy. He isn't just someone who talks to the ones who have it all together. He talks to each of us. What kind of relationship would it be if He never talked to us?

I pray for the one in my dream with the dead eyes. I pray that he will surrender his life to God and start a life-giving relationship with Him. I also pray for all those others living with dead eyes. I pray for the hurting. I pray for the desolate. I pray for the haughty who think they have it altogether. I pray for the ones with dead eyes and I pray that I can help them the answer is Jesus.

Impossible Dream?

I have heard it said that if a dream isn't so big that God is the only one who can make it possible you aren't dreaming big enough. Well, lately a dream has become more and more clear to me, and I think it is impossible.

I have been thinking about this dream a lot lately and even realized that I have been dreaming about it much longer than I thought. I have had bits and pieces of the dream over the last year and half, but I didn't realize it until until just recently.

What is this dream? I dream of a church. Okay, that doesn't seem impossible. Well, that isn't it. I dream of a church like no church I have heard of, at least not in modern times. I dream of a church that is always open. I mean 24 hours a day, every day. I dream of a church that may or may not be in a traditional church building. I actually dream of it as a house. I dream of rooms where people come together and study the Word. I dream of a large room where people come and eat meals together. I dream of a room where people can go and pray one on one with the Lord. I dream of a room stocked with clothes for those in need. I dream of a pantry full of food to give away. I dream of a room full of books for people to sit down and read in. I dream of a place where people come together to know more about Him; to share with those in need; and for those seeking Him will come and find Him.

Does that sound like a commune? Because I don't dream of that. I don't dream of some sort of separate-yourselves-from-everyone place. I dream of a place that people know about and go to when they have needs, whether physical or spiritual. I dream of an open place where people feel they can come no matter what.

I think of the church in Acts and I want to see that kind of church today.
Acts 2:41-47 The Message
^41-42That day about three thousand took him at his word, were baptized and were signed up. They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers.
 ^43-45Everyone around was in awe—all those wonders and signs done through the apostles! And all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person's need was met.
 ^46-47They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved.

Once again, some people would take this verse and run off and create a commune. But these people didn't separate themselves out from others. They did sell what they had to help others, but they lived this life right in the midst of Jerusalem. They lived this life right in front of others and they were liked by many. They lived this life right in front of others and their numbers were added to every day.

That is the kind of church I dream of. I think it is impossible and I certainly don't know why God has given me this dream. Yet I know that this impossible dream is possible for Him.

(Can I just say that I actual fought writing this post. I knew for days that I should but I put it off. God woke me up, wide awake in the middle of the night and I knew that I had to write it. I hate that I still struggle eith knowing and not doing what I should. I know God will continue to work on me to help me learn to obey the first time.)

Dream

The other day I had a bad day at work. Not just a bad day, but a-quit-this-job day! It was coming. This year has been a hard school year. I can't put my finger on any one thing but it has been enough to make me reconsider if this is something I want to do until I am old and gray...I dye so it'll be awhile before I'm gray. :)

That night I had a dream that I wanted to share. I think I understand parts of it but not all. That's okay, because God reveals when He does.

I was on some kind of journey. I felt a pull to keep going. Soon I was trying to navigate through a large playing field that was full of kids and coaches. It was hard to get through because there were so many kids and they kept playing the various games as I walked right through them. Many, most, of the students would stop and say "hello". I said "hello" to many of them but there were just too many. I realized I just wanted to get through the sea of kids and on with my journey.

I finally got through and entered a building. The room I entered had a door on the other side and when I first entered it was just plain and kind of dark. As I started to walk to the other door I realized that there was some sort of large object that I had to climb over to get to the door. As I got to it the room turned into a room full of cobwebs that just got thicker and thicker. I climbed over the object and moved the cobwebs out of the way to get over the object and out the door.

Once I got out the door I was in a restaurant that was closed. I loved the restaurant and wanted to stay there, but I felt the need to continue. I left the restaurant, but stopped on the street and looked back. I turned and kept going. All of a sudden I was in a car and it was now very dark. I realized that it was early morning. The problem was I couldn't see. My vision was very blurry. I felt like my contacts had been taken out. All I could really see was the yellow line and the headlights of cars coming toward me. I kept thinking I was going to die and I need to pull over. But there was no where to pull over and I had this pull that kept me going.

Then I cried out to God to help me! Instantly it was daylight and I could see clearly. I continued driving and was so thankful that God had made the sun shine and my vision clear. Then I woke up.

I could analyze the dream and I have, but the most important part for me was the end. When I finally called out to God and He lit the way and restored my sight. I realize that He can make things clear but not necessarily make the final destination come into view. I still had no idea where I was going, but I knew Who was leading me.