Sunday, February 19, 2012


The other day I had a bad day at work. Not just a bad day, but a-quit-this-job day! It was coming. This year has been a hard school year. I can't put my finger on any one thing but it has been enough to make me reconsider if this is something I want to do until I am old and gray...I dye so it'll be awhile before I'm gray. :)

That night I had a dream that I wanted to share. I think I understand parts of it but not all. That's okay, because God reveals when He does.

I was on some kind of journey. I felt a pull to keep going. Soon I was trying to navigate through a large playing field that was full of kids and coaches. It was hard to get through because there were so many kids and they kept playing the various games as I walked right through them. Many, most, of the students would stop and say "hello". I said "hello" to many of them but there were just too many. I realized I just wanted to get through the sea of kids and on with my journey.

I finally got through and entered a building. The room I entered had a door on the other side and when I first entered it was just plain and kind of dark. As I started to walk to the other door I realized that there was some sort of large object that I had to climb over to get to the door. As I got to it the room turned into a room full of cobwebs that just got thicker and thicker. I climbed over the object and moved the cobwebs out of the way to get over the object and out the door.

Once I got out the door I was in a restaurant that was closed. I loved the restaurant and wanted to stay there, but I felt the need to continue. I left the restaurant, but stopped on the street and looked back. I turned and kept going. All of a sudden I was in a car and it was now very dark. I realized that it was early morning. The problem was I couldn't see. My vision was very blurry. I felt like my contacts had been taken out. All I could really see was the yellow line and the headlights of cars coming toward me. I kept thinking I was going to die and I need to pull over. But there was no where to pull over and I had this pull that kept me going.

Then I cried out to God to help me! Instantly it was daylight and I could see clearly. I continued driving and was so thankful that God had made the sun shine and my vision clear. Then I woke up.

I could analyze the dream and I have, but the most important part for me was the end. When I finally called out to God and He lit the way and restored my sight. I realize that He can make things clear but not necessarily make the final destination come into view. I still had no idea where I was going, but I knew Who was leading me.

Sunday, February 5, 2012


Usually when I think of being overwhelmed it is for a negative reason. Like too much paperwork and testing at school. Or maybe more bills than money. But right now I am overwhelmed by God!

I am going to Kenya in July. I need to raise a lot of money to go. The amount is a bit staggering. But as soon as I heard about Kenya, actually read it on Geoffrey Janes' FB status I felt the Spirit leap within me. I knew at that moment that I was going to Kenya. I have to admit when I saw how much it would cost I was a bit taken back, but I still knew I would go. The amount still seems impossible but I know it's not, not for Him.

I started a prayer support group. One by one a few friends have asked to be added. Then I got a request from someone I don't know. I know all their are FB scammers out there so I was a bit wary at first. I clicked on the person's name and saw that she was friends with one of my close friends and her mother. I knew that she must have heard about me from them. I was overwhelmed that someone I didn't know wanted to pray for me and my trip to Kenya.

A few minutes ago I got an email forwarded to me from my Mom. One of her friends said that she is going to give to my trip as well. I do not know this friend of hers.

I am simply overwhelmed that God has used two people I do not know to support this trip to Kenya. I am so excited about going. I am excited to see a whole new continent. To see the Indian Ocean. To see animals we only see in zoos in the United States. But I am most excited to see how God is going to use me. I am most excited to see how God is going to change me, grow me. I am simply overwhelmed!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Do You Ever Wonder...

Do you ever go through an experience and wonder, "how is God going to use this?" I do. I wonder it a lot, especially lately.

Looking back over my life I can see so many times when something I went through has had an impact later in my life. I can see things that I went through as a kid helping me in my teaching. They were painful experiences but I see how God uses them to allow me to help my students. I can understand the pain and confusion of divorce. I can understand learning problems and the feelings of lack of self worth associated with it. I can remember the times friends didn't act like friends. I remember the times when mean girls were mean in ways that making you feel like you've been sucker punched. Unfortunately, I can also remember the times I wasn't really a friend. I can remember the times when I intentionally hurt others and the times I unintentionally did. Every time I think of one of those times I remember the hurt in my friends voice when she let me know I had hurt her. If I learned nothing else from that day I learned to choose my words more carefully.

But I don't only wonder about it with the bad things. I wonder with the seemingly unimportant times too. I wonder what good will come out of them. I wonder if they will bring about a new experience. I wonder if I will ever know what will come of it. I can think of so many things that have happened over my life that seem to have nothing come of them, yet any way.

Tonight I was sitting in church at the last class of five leadership classes. I thought, "I wonder why God had me come to these classes?" Lately, I have been getting the sense that God is going to do something new in my life. I wonder if some sort of leadership role will be part of that change.

I guess I don't think of myself as the typical leader type. I always think of leaders as outgoing. I'm more of an introvert. Usually I do tasks that are out of the limelight. I'm not saying I don't have strengths that leaders have because I do, but I wonder if they are enough. Then I remember that I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me! If He is calling me to a leadership role then He will give me the strength to do it.

As I'm writing this I realize that an excitement is growing within me for what He is doing, even if I don't know what it is yet! :)