Friday, July 14, 2017

Afraid to Jump on the Couch

About a year and a half ago, I became the foster mommy to a sweet, but scared dog. I have no idea what kind of a life she had before being rescued from the shelter, but I knew she was scared of almost everything. She wouldn't go outside with out me. I mean she wouldn't even go out the door unless I went first. She was afraid of rain and loud noises. She was fearful of even being touched. Over the year and half she has come along way. She loves to snuggle, and yes, she now goes out by herself. She still doesn't like rain and loud noises still scare her, but she is better than she was.

There is one fear that she has that I can relate to. When she fails, she is too scared to try again. Recently she tried to jump on the couch, something she does daily, but she miscalculated. Her front legs went on the couch, but her back legs never made it. She got back down and they stutter-stopped about five times. Each time I patted the couch and told her to try again. Finally, she jumped up on the couch. Now, every once and awhile she goes through the whole routine again. Other times she jumps up with no problem. I guess the memory of her failed attempt replies and she fears missing.

Now, I don't jump up on the couch, but I do fear failure. Once I mess up, I find it scary to try again. I let that fear of missing to hold of me, and I can't try again. I even feared writing this post, which is why it's taken me awhile to even type it, and why the time between the last sentence and this one was about 5 minutes. Put myself out there and admitting challenges I face is scary. I don't text the friend and see if she wants to do something, because in the past I chose the wrong friend and it's tainted my attempts at friendship. I lost a lot of weight, but listened to "healthy" advice and put it back on. I was so confused, because I was doing it "right", but I was gaining weight so I quit. It took years, but I've finally put the fear behind me and have started doing it the right way. (So far, so good, by the way.) There are so many other ways that I can think of where I let fear stop me, some small and some big.

So how do I overcome the fear? How do I stop the stutter-stop? The only way that I know of is to trust God when the opportunities come. When I want to ask a friend when she can do lunch, I need to just do it and not over think it. I feel great since I changed the my eating and started doing some new exercises. I want to feel great, and not feel fear. I want to stop the hamster wheel of fearful thoughts and trust God. He is the only one who can help me overcome my fear. Easier said than done, but I want to do it!

PS. I adopted Stella, so now I'm the Mommy to that fearful pup. 🐕

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