Fight or Flight

I think most of us have heard the saying "it's either fight or flight", but I never really understood what it meant. No, I know it means that when faced with a harmful, maybe even deadly situation, hormones kick in and a person or animal either fights to survive or fleas and hopes to survive by getting away. I mean I never understood it until I lived it.

Years ago, I flew! I knocked on a door, heard an angry voice on the other side, handed over the plate of cookies when the door open and then flew. I don't remember deciding to run away. One moment I was trembling as I stood at the open door and the next I was opening my car door. I don't remember anything in between. I've tried but I can't. Do I look back and wish I had stood my ground? There were times I did, but now, more than 10 years later I am so glad I didn't. Not that I'm proud of fleeing, but ultimately it was a situation I did not need to be in.

The other day I felt my emotions start to veer in an unhealthy direction. My mind started into overdrive and a voice told me, "run! Hide deep within yourself! Lock yourself away so you don't have to feel those bad feelings!" And that was when I realized I had flown many a time before. In the past, I hide. When it got too scary to feel strong emotions I hid them deep down. I didn't stand up and fight back. I flew. For years, I lived behind the wall. The wall that hid the real me away from almost everyone. There was a false sense of safety behind that wall. If I dared peek out from behind it and found myself in an emotionally scary situation I dove right back behind it, dusted myself off, and claimed I was safe. But the truth was I wasn't safe at all. I was living in a perpetual state of fear. God broke that wall down. But the voice tried to convince me to built the bricks back up again. I only listened to the voice for a moment before I declared, "no!"

That was a much bigger fight moment than if I had put up my fists and punched someone who had threatened me. Let's face it, I can't really punch anyway. I have two brothers and they made it clear when I was younger that I couldn't really punch. But let's just say I could. My standing up to that voice and saying, "no!" was a wallop!

I've come to learn that the "simple" act of standing is fighting. Exodus 14:13-14 has taught me a whole new way to look at fight or flight.

"And Moses said to the people, 'fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and all you have to do is be silent.'"

This group of recently freed slaves were weak from their years of bondage. They weren't soldiers. They were men, women, and children who stood with their backs against an impassible sea and looking into the billowing dust caused by the Egyptian chariots that came to crush them. I've read that they were surrounded, not by the Egyptians and sea alone, but by a range of rocks that they couldn't climb and possibly a garrison belonging to this same army which came thundering toward them. They really had no way to flee to safety. Any direction they ran in would result in their deaths. God told them not to fear. Fear would make them flee into certain death. So they had to fight and God told them to do so by standing firm. Not get out any weapons they may have had among them. Not dig in. Not get into military formation. Just stand, stand firm in the face of destruction. And then He told to be quiet. I'm sure every woman there wanted to scream out in terror. I'm sure children wanted to cry hysterically. I'm sure even the men wanted to fall to their knees and cry in despair, but God told all of them to be silent. And He made it sound easy, "all you have to do is be silent." Oh, is that all God? Just don't be afraid of this overwhelming enemy; stand before them like we won't get plowed into the ground by their chariot wheels; and don't make a sound!

Yes. That is all.

See, He fights for us. We still have the choice, fight or flight, but one we do all on our own. If we flee, we run right into our own destruction. We run behind walls that hid us in from the bad and also keep us from anything good. We try to climb mountains we were never meant to and we fall time and time again, until we are too broken to even make another attempt. Or we fight. Not with our fists. Not by outshouting our enemy. Not with weapons. Not with war horses or chariots. We fight when we let Him do the battling. The battle belongs to the Lord and all we need to do is fear not, stand firm, and be quiet.

Being Silent and Waiting for the Outcome

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."  Exodus 14:14

Joseph sat in prison for something he didn't do.

David ran and hide for his life because of someone else's hatred.

Mordecai and the Jews were meant to be wiped out because of someone else's vanity.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were placed in a furnace because they didn't worship a man like a god.  

Daniel is thrown into the lions' den for not worshiping a man in his prayers. 

Over and over again, there are examples in the Bible of people who needed the Lord to fight for them. And He did! Why is it so hard, with so much evidence available, for me to believe He will do the same for me? 

The last four months have been extremely hard ones for me. No actual prison cells or lions dens, but repeatedly mistreated based on lies and assumptions, and maybe even other's egos has worn me down. I didn't want to venture outside of my own space, for fear of  my mere presence causing more hardship. I feel emotional and mentally beat up. I wish that I can say that I have fully trusted God to fight for me, but as the months went it only seemed to get worse and my faith felt smaller and smaller.

I wish I could say I've been silent the whole time too, but I've grumbled and complained. Yet, most of what has happened I have kept to myself. Not necessarily in obedience to keep silent, but more so because it has hurt and embarrassed me. 

Yesterday, a thought came to me that one good thing from all of this is that I don't ever want to make someone else feel like this. Lord, help me to be mindful of others and how I make them feel about who they are and their worth. Help me to distinguish lies about them from truth. Help me to get beyond myself and see them for who they really are. 

I need to work on a few things as the battle continues: One, being silent and waiting as the Lord battles. He hears the hurt of my hear,t and since He's the only one who can do anything about it, He's the only one who needs to hear the specifics right now. Two, trying to forgive someone who doesn't even seek it is challenging. I pray these words when I'm struggling to forgive: "I choose to forgive (insert name), Lord help me to forgive". I have to keep praying daily, sometimes multiple times a day, until I know that He has helped me to actually forgive. Three, I have to believe that He is battling for me and there is a victory at the other side. Whether it's only an internal victory or one others will witness, doesn't matter as much as believing there is one. Four, I need to reflect and see if and what needs to be chipped away in my heart and mind based on this. It's easy to just "play the victim", but God uses these hardships to remove things for our lives. What do I need to release in my life that doesn't need to be there?

Joseph was made second in all of Egypt.

David was the king of Israel.

Mordecai and the Jews were saved and he was great in the king's house.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were given promotions.

Daniel prospered during the king's reign, as well as the next king's reign. 

I may never be second in command or named a ruler over anything, but I have to believe that the end of this battle will bring about the promotion that God has for me, even if it's just an internal promotion and no one else even knows. I just need to let go and wait and see what the Lord will do!