Too Many Ideas To Think About

Last night, when I finally crawled into bed, my mind was jumping. I have stated before that I am in need of a change. Lately, I have been running with an idea that kind of excited me. Yesterday, I thought, "really? Is this really what I want to do?" Honestly, I don't think so anymore. Amazing what a couple of hours can do to my thoughts. I really think I was trying to figure out a way to do something new and still be doing something "safe".

Today, I endured a meeting and thought, "I really don't want to do this anymore!" After getting home I went on my walk, and I was thinking, "I could keep doing what I have been doing. It is "safe". I am used to it. I think I might even be good at it. But I really don't want too."

So, back to my jumping thoughts from last night. There are so many things that I have wanted to do. So many things that have actually dreamed of doing, some that I have been dreaming of doing for years. I was wondering if one of those things is what I am supposed to do, or is it possible that God wants me to do something I haven't even thought of. The easiest way to find out is to ask. So, I did.

I told God that I have so many ideas and I wanted them all to go away, except for the correct one. I don't want to think about "maybes" and "what ifs". I don't want to focus on anything that keeps my mind too busy to hear His voice. I only want to walk in the way that He leads me in. I don't want to try to figure it out, but I do want to do the right thing. I want to focus my thoughts on the right thoughts.

Last night I had an interesting dream and the interesting part was that a friend was working at God's Way Academy. We went to another school and the guy in charge was horrible. I kept thinking I wanted to get out of that school. I wanted her to take to me to God's Way Academy. I wanted to be there so badly. Soon the guy got so bad that we left and on the way out I told her to tell me about God's Way Academy. Then I woke up.

I smiled and thought, "that is where I want to be. I want to be right there, in God's Way."

Innocent Pictures Cause Tailspin of Thoughts

Just when you think you have moved past something, gotten over someone, dealt with a past hurt, something triggers and you are right back there. Know what I mean?

The other day my computer did something weird and for whatever reason it started showing a very old screen saver that I had. It is a series of pictures. I do not have my computer set to use that screen saver and haven't for years. So the computer starts doing weird things and all of a sudden this screen saver comes across my screen. Besides wondering why my laptop has decided to be demon possessed I am freaking out, yup freaking out, over the pictures rolling across my screen. Those pictures sent my heart into my throat!

Okay, so hit the enter button and all is right in laptop world, and has been ever since. My mind though is on a downward spiral. Feelings I had laid at Jesus' feet came rushing all at once. Memories flashed through my mind connected with the pictures. I was sort of in shock. I mean I had given Him all of this and had been at such peace about it all for so long I really thought I was "over it". I guess not.

Okay, needed to pray and get myself back in a peaceful place. That minor crisis averted. Then a few days later a picture shows up on Facebook. A innocent picture that in and of itself wasn't anything to cause an issue. It really is a very nice picture. (And no it wasn't one of those pictures that makes me hate Facebook.) But that picture sent me reeling. I actually was having trouble breathing! My mind went into another tailspin and my thoughts became consumed. That went on for a couple of days, literally my dreams became filled with these thoughts.

Then I decided that I can't let my thoughts rule me. I prayed that God would help me get my thoughts in the right place. Each day since I have to make that decision again. I need to leave it to God. It is an impossible situation and if it is to change it will take the hand of God.

Have I struggled with my thoughts since? Yes, yes I have. Do I need to give it to God over and over again? Yes! I can say that it has gotten easier each time that I place those thoughts where they belong. In His hands.