Do You Ever Wonder...

Do you ever go through an experience and wonder, "how is God going to use this?" I do. I wonder it a lot, especially lately.

Looking back over my life I can see so many times when something I went through has had an impact later in my life. I can see things that I went through as a kid helping me in my teaching. They were painful experiences but I see how God uses them to allow me to help my students. I can understand the pain and confusion of divorce. I can understand learning problems and the feelings of lack of self worth associated with it. I can remember the times friends didn't act like friends. I remember the times when mean girls were mean in ways that making you feel like you've been sucker punched. Unfortunately, I can also remember the times I wasn't really a friend. I can remember the times when I intentionally hurt others and the times I unintentionally did. Every time I think of one of those times I remember the hurt in my friends voice when she let me know I had hurt her. If I learned nothing else from that day I learned to choose my words more carefully.

But I don't only wonder about it with the bad things. I wonder with the seemingly unimportant times too. I wonder what good will come out of them. I wonder if they will bring about a new experience. I wonder if I will ever know what will come of it. I can think of so many things that have happened over my life that seem to have nothing come of them, yet any way.

Tonight I was sitting in church at the last class of five leadership classes. I thought, "I wonder why God had me come to these classes?" Lately, I have been getting the sense that God is going to do something new in my life. I wonder if some sort of leadership role will be part of that change.

I guess I don't think of myself as the typical leader type. I always think of leaders as outgoing. I'm more of an introvert. Usually I do tasks that are out of the limelight. I'm not saying I don't have strengths that leaders have because I do, but I wonder if they are enough. Then I remember that I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me! If He is calling me to a leadership role then He will give me the strength to do it.

As I'm writing this I realize that an excitement is growing within me for what He is doing, even if I don't know what it is yet! :)