But Rejoicing Comes in the Morning

The other day a group or friends and I were discussing a person who went through the loss of a parent. She hadn't given herself any time to grieve her loss and her behavior changed. She became hard and inflexible and difficult to deal with. All because she didn't let herself grieve.

Honestly, I don't enjoy grieving, but it is necessary. Not grieving means all sorts of bad things: avoiding reality, hardness, building walls of protection, and missing out on things. I also don't like any of those things, so why not just let myself grieve when I need to? I did mention that I don't like grieving.

Of course, another reason might be that sometimes I don't even know that I need to. I have avoided it for so long that I become numb to what I need to grieve that I just forget about it. How does that seem possible? Well, because I am really good at ignoring things, so that makes it possible. 

Yesterday I knew there was something from my past that I needed to grieve. Something that shaped a lot of my adult life. Something that helped me hid the real me so I could avoid certain relationships. Something that needed to be grieved. But I didn't want to grieve it. I decided that I would give myself time to grieve when I went to bed. So I stayed up later and was too tired at bedtime. Did I mention I am really good at ignoring things?!

This morning I woke up and I knew that I couldn't put it off. I knew that grieving this would bring me one step closer to a healing in my life that I truly long for. This healing is much more valuable to me than keeping a hold on this grief. I picked up my journal and began to write. Soon the tears came and I had to put the pen down. I continued to talk aloud about what I was grieving over and what it had stolen from me, what I had guard myself from. Once I was able to write again I continued to journal about my grief. 

As I did a thought struck me: God never said don't grieve. He tells us to be anxious for nothing, to not fear, to be strong and courageous. He doesn't say don't grieve. Actually He tells us that joy comes in the morning for those who grieve. He tells us there is a season for grieving. He blesses those who grieve and tells us they will be comforted. 

He understands grief. There has been more than one time when He has said to me, "now you understand a little of how I feel." Once when my Chester cat had gotten out and was missing for two months, I heard the Lord say to me, "now you understand how I feel when just one of my children runs away from me." I was grieving! God was telling me that He grieves!

So what is the result of the grieving I did this morning? Well, I acknowledged the truth of how much it hurt. I acknowledged what it cost me, how it made me not trust. It made me acknowledge that I do not wish to continue to live my life based on a hurt from so long ago. I want to trust others and myself. I want to have the kind of relationship that it made me terrified to actually have. I wanted to walk in freedom and not let the anchor of this keep me stuck. I realized that it is okay to grieve. Healthy to grieve. Necessary to grieve. And expectant for the joy that comes in the morning.

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Not Sure How to Help

For the last couple of weeks I have felt inadequate. This feeling of inadequacy comes from not knowing how to help someone else. Someone who has become a good friend recently gave her heart over to Jesus. I was beyond happy for her. I had been praying for her for a few years and having that prayer answered was amazing.

Not long after this happened it appeared that a major hope was being answered for her. I was excited for her. I hoped it all would work out and increase her faith and relationship with God. Then it all went wrong.

I don't know how to help. I have prayed for her. I have given her things. I have even laughed with her. But I don't know how to help her deal with her feelings toward God.

I know that she is having trouble with this. I pray that she will turn to Him. I pray that she will realize that He didn't do this to her, He didn't abandon her. I want to tell her it's okay to let Him know exactly how she is feeling toward Him. Even if she's angry with Him, she can tell Him. He can take it. I feel inadequate to help her know that He is the comfort she is seeking.

I will continue to pray. I know He answers. He won't make her turn to Him. He won't force Himself on her. It has to be her who turns to Him. I pray that she will hear His voice because He is still talking to her. I pray that she will find that He is the answer even to the hardest, most heart wrenching troubles she may face.

3 Day Rule

A few years ago I was going through a heartache and got some great advice from my mom. She told me to give myself 3 days to grieve. Let myself feel the loss, the hurt, the pain, but then rise up. After those 3 days rise up out of it like Jesus rose from the dead.

It was great advice. I gave myself 3 days to just cry and grieve, and believe me I grieved like I have never before. After those 3 days I found that I didn't even have to try to rise up out of it. I went into it knowing I had 3 days to grieve and I guess that was enough for me to just rise out of it. Now there were days when the pain came back, not all pain is just gone in 3 days, but when it did I gave it 3 more days. After the 3 days it was even easier to rise out of than it was the previous time.

I have used this advice whenever I get sad, hurt, or grieve. Like I said, sometimes it takes more than one 3 day period to deal with the sadness, but I always give myself 3 days at a time. There are even times when I don't need all 3 days.

Right now I am sad. I could put on the "brave face" and fake that everything is okay, but I don't want to be fake. So for the next couple of days I will allow myself to be sad, but in the end I will rise up!