How Can a Football Game Cause Fear?

I grew up in one of those small Upstate New York towns where during football season most people went to the games. Unlike many high schools, there were no lights so home games were played on Saturdays. The home side had no stands, but rather a hill that fans camped out on or moved up and down the field with the play. I enjoyed going to home games and going on occasions to Friday night games when they played a local town. I liked watching football on TV. I had a favorite team, still do. 

This past Friday, I planned to go to a high school game. I got ready and waited until it was time to go, but as I waited fear grew within me. I often do many things by myself including go to games. My close friends are not "go to Friday night high school football game" friends, so I planned to go alone. I'd rather go with others but I'm okay with going alone. Yet, as I waited I dreaded the idea of possibly sitting among people I didn't know or didn't know well. I let the fear of being alone in the midst of a crowd eat at me. 

It was cluster night, which meant that the elementary schools and the middle school that feed into the high school would have students and staff there to represent. My last school is in this cluster. Although there are many that I would love to see, there are a few I would gladly never see again in this lifetime. I let fear of seeing them crowd my mind and heighten my anxiety. 

As the time to leave for the game came I busied myself with something tedious and let the time pass. I let fear win. I forgo doing something I enjoy because of fear. Why do I continue to let fear win battles? 

When I was younger, I thought the Israelites were so foolish. That was how they were presented in church, as people who were foolish and that we were somehow wiser than them. We would shake our heads at the silly choices of them. How could anyone linger in a desert for 40 years instead of entering the Promised Land? How could they fear the people there, when the Lord had already parted an entire sea for them to cross over and on dry land no less? He wiped out their enemy who sought to destroy them right before their eyes as the walls of water came crushing down upon them. Ha, how can I still let fear keep me in my own wildernesses? How can I forget the times He destroyed my spiritual enemies right before my eyes? 

I want to enter the Promise Land and not let fear win the battles in my mind and of my heart. I want to look fear in the face and remind it that the Lord who crushes enemies has already won. I want to go to football games and anywhere else without fear of loneliness or fear of seeing others who have hurt me. I wish I was brave enough to just let God deal with the fear and move in the life He plans for me.

I no longer think the Israelites to be foolish, at least not anymore foolish than I am. I wish to be like Jacob and Caleb who entered the Promised Land and declared it good and that it belongs to the Lord. I long to enter into the parts of life that are potentially fearful and walk in the full knowledge that the Lord goes before me and guides my every step.

Guilty of "If It's Your Will" Thinking

What?

Of course, we should ask for God's will! How can that possibly be a bad thing? Let me explain.

I am guilty of praying for big things, doubting and being fearful, and since my lack of faith says it probably won't happen anyway I throw on a "if it's Your will" to seal the doubt deal. I use it more to declare defeat than to really seek His will in the situation.

I can't be the only one who does that! Can I? Please, tell me others use religiosity to lie to themselves that they have faith in His will, but really they don't.

Yesterday, I was driving to work praying a couple of big prayers. One in particular is truly an area in my life that I want something big to happen. Some thing I believe that is good. Some thing that matches my heart's desire, maybe in a completely unexpected way. But the closer I got to work and the end of my prayer time, I started to doubt and threw out the "if it's Your will" phrase to cover myself, with an emphasis on the if.

If it's not His will then what can I lose? I won't invest too much of me and my heart if it's not His will. It keeps me safe from moving out of the familiar and into a brave new place. It means no stretching. It means plopping right down in the same place I've lived for most of my life. My comfortable, all be lonely, place. Part of me actually hopes it's not His will every time I utter those words! Oh how "safe" I'd be then.

Safe but sad. Comfortable but longing. Familiar but unfulfilled. Stuck and unmovable. Fearful. Lonely. Not safe or comfortable when I really think about it.

Yesterday after my "if it's Your will" prayer, a line from a song playing on my radio grabbed my attention. "Gotta pray, gotta press on to the prize worth fighting for" I kinda felt like God throw His own line right back at me. The proverbial ball was in my court. How would I respond?

I responded with, "yes God! This is a prize worth fighting for! This is a prize worth believing in. It's worth crying out to You over it. It is worth steps of faith. It is worth discomfort. It is worth allowing You to make it happen and not try to move mountains myself. (Anyone else try to move mountains only He can move? Or worse, ones that weren't mine to be moved at all? I am!) It's worth continuing to believe that I just need to be still and watch You work to make it happen.

Looking at Jesus as the example. He did pray, "if it is Your will remove this cup from" but He didn't stop there. "Nevertheless, not My will, but Yours be done." Jesus knew His death would be full of physical pain that no man should have to endure. He also knew that it our sin would separate Him from God until His resurrection. None of us can comprehend what that separation would be like. Of course, He ask to have it removed! But He embraced all of it because He loves us.

So can I embrace His will even though my faith is small and my fear is big? Yes. Even though it will be very different from my normal? Yes. Even though it will be uncomfortable, stretching, and possibly messy? Yes, yes, and yes.

This morning, as I drove to work and continued my big prayer, I came to the usual "if it be Your will" point and it was a struggle. It really was, not to say it once again. I forced myself to say "Your will be done" instead. It was hard, but after wards I felt such joy. I know it'll take awhile and some serious effort to break my lack of faith habit and prayer with boldness for His will to be done.

Note - The song is by Jamie Kimmett and is titled "The Prize Worth Fighting For" This song is about Jesus being our reward, but God can use a line in a song any way that He wants to.