How Can a Football Game Cause Fear?

I grew up in one of those small Upstate New York towns where during football season most people went to the games. Unlike many high schools, there were no lights so home games were played on Saturdays. The home side had no stands, but rather a hill that fans camped out on or moved up and down the field with the play. I enjoyed going to home games and going on occasions to Friday night games when they played a local town. I liked watching football on TV. I had a favorite team, still do. 

This past Friday, I planned to go to a high school game. I got ready and waited until it was time to go, but as I waited fear grew within me. I often do many things by myself including go to games. My close friends are not "go to Friday night high school football game" friends, so I planned to go alone. I'd rather go with others but I'm okay with going alone. Yet, as I waited I dreaded the idea of possibly sitting among people I didn't know or didn't know well. I let the fear of being alone in the midst of a crowd eat at me. 

It was cluster night, which meant that the elementary schools and the middle school that feed into the high school would have students and staff there to represent. My last school is in this cluster. Although there are many that I would love to see, there are a few I would gladly never see again in this lifetime. I let fear of seeing them crowd my mind and heighten my anxiety. 

As the time to leave for the game came I busied myself with something tedious and let the time pass. I let fear win. I forgo doing something I enjoy because of fear. Why do I continue to let fear win battles? 

When I was younger, I thought the Israelites were so foolish. That was how they were presented in church, as people who were foolish and that we were somehow wiser than them. We would shake our heads at the silly choices of them. How could anyone linger in a desert for 40 years instead of entering the Promised Land? How could they fear the people there, when the Lord had already parted an entire sea for them to cross over and on dry land no less? He wiped out their enemy who sought to destroy them right before their eyes as the walls of water came crushing down upon them. Ha, how can I still let fear keep me in my own wildernesses? How can I forget the times He destroyed my spiritual enemies right before my eyes? 

I want to enter the Promise Land and not let fear win the battles in my mind and of my heart. I want to look fear in the face and remind it that the Lord who crushes enemies has already won. I want to go to football games and anywhere else without fear of loneliness or fear of seeing others who have hurt me. I wish I was brave enough to just let God deal with the fear and move in the life He plans for me.

I no longer think the Israelites to be foolish, at least not anymore foolish than I am. I wish to be like Jacob and Caleb who entered the Promised Land and declared it good and that it belongs to the Lord. I long to enter into the parts of life that are potentially fearful and walk in the full knowledge that the Lord goes before me and guides my every step.

When It's Out of My Hands

"Can I really let it be out of my hands?

When it's out of my hands"

Those two lines of Building 429's song, Fear No More, jumped out at me and hit me right in the middle of my plotting brain. I was driving to a local coffee shop to meet a friend to work on some online PD, and my mind was replaying a phone conversation I had earlier this morning, actually two phone conversations. One brought my doubts to the surface and the other made me wonder why no one else put 2 and 2 together like my brain was thinking. I started to figure out how I could manipulate, yup manipulate people into seeing the two 2's and make me the answer. My brain was right in the middle of, "I should call ___ and ask her to..." when those lines from the song interrupted my thoughts. 

"Can I really let it be out of my hands?"

Can I really stop wanting things done now? Can I really stop trying to get things done my way? Can I stop the manipulating thoughts and even words and actions? Can I really stop trying to tell God how to do it? The answer is simple, yes. but it isn't easy. 

When someone asks, "how are you remaining so calm?", it's simple to reply, "I know God's got this." But it's not easy to just let Him. It's simple to pray, "Lord, let your will be done." But it's not easy to really mean it. It's simple to say, "I know God's going to make a way where there is no way." But it's not easy to stare into the unknown and believe when all you see is vague and shadowed. It's simple to put on a smile and make others think your okay with the unknown and waiting. But it's not easy to hold back the tears while you're driving in your car alone. It's simple to pray day after day after day for months, years, for a a man I do not know. But it's not easy to believe God actually has a husband for me who is benefiting from those prayers. It is simple to find things on Pinterest for "the kids". But it's not easy watching mothers with their kids and wonder if I'll have that desire fulfilled. 

"When it's out of my hands"

It is! God tells me on an almost daily basis because my faith is that small, "be still", "I'm fighting for you", "wait patiently", and "do not fear". He reminds me that it is out of my hands. I can't make the job appear. I can't make the judgments of me change the opinions people have. I can't make a man fall in love with me. I can't make a child suddenly appear in my life. I can't make money fill up my bank account. I can't stop the unexpected from happening. Those things are out of my hands. 

I can only do what I know God has called me to do. "Ask, seek, knock", "expect Him to do above and beyond what I can ask for", "wait and see that the Lord is good", and "know that the battle belongs to the Lord." Every time I try to make things happen the results are bad, sometimes devastating even. But when He gives me an action step to take and I take it, I see the puzzle pieces being put into place. I don't get to see the box. I don't know what the finished masterpiece will look like. God doesn't even place the edges first. He puts one piece next the ones already in place. He already knows the image on the box, and He knows there are no missing pieces. 

When it's out of my hands, I can really let it stay out of my hands! I can simply trust that everything is in His hands, even when trusting isn't easy.