Forgiving the Mean Girls

I realized this morning that I have missed blogging. God has been doing some heart work that has been just for me, so I had to be quiet for awhile. But this morning I realized that part of what God has for me is to write this blog, so I'm back!

Tonight I watched a video done by Sheila Walsh. It's actually the first in a 5 week series called The Storm Inside and the episode is about forgiveness. I've included the link for The Storm Within: Forgiveness. If you have 25 minutes take a look.

As I watched, I knew that there was an area that I needed to work on. I needed to spend some time, days actually, looking at the rejection that I have experienced in my life. I knew I needed to forgive those who had rejected me or who I felt rejected by. I wondered where I would begin, but only for a moment. The long-forgotten named girls from my childhood was the place tostart. The girls who judged and rejected me for whatever reasons they had. I can guess some of their reasons and then there are just some girls who are plain-old mean.

As I wrote in my journal a prayer of forgiveness for these girls I knew that I was really putting down the unforgiveness that I held towards them. As the unforgiveness was being released the rejection of these girls was being released. The impact is lessened and hopefully one day it will be virtually gone. Why not completely gone?

One thing that I consider a blessing from the rejection of these girls is that I am sensitive to it when I see it in the girls God has blessed me with. Not only can I see and empathize with the girls who feel rejected, but I am also sensitive to the girls who are mean. Okay, not the truly mean girls. I am so glad to say that in 19 years of teaching I have only had one truly mean girl. Part of me felt badly for her because she obviously is missing something in her heart that makes her that way, but the other part of me really struggled with feeling for her. She is the dictionary definition of mean girl.

Anyway, those girls who can be mean at times are that way because they have been hurt too or because of their insecurities. If a girl is open, I can speak into the situation and hopefully help her see that her actions or words are mean. Then there are the girls who are treated meanly. Them I just love on and try to encourage them to rise up over the pain that they are experiencing. It isn't always easy to relive what I went through to help them, but sometimes it is very necessary for my healing and my ministering to my girls.

I know that this is just the first step for me, the first rejection area that I will examine and forgive. Honestly, this is probably the easiest one that I will have to address, but I know that further examination and the process of forgiving will bring freedom.

A Little Thing Called Forgiveness

I have been harboring some unforgiveness for a little over 3 years. The thing is I thought I wasn't. I thought since the person I was upset with and I had no interaction and I had prayed about the hurt then there wasn't any unforgiveness there. I had reached out to this person a few times over the last few years. I mean how could I reach out and still hold unforgiveness, right? Well, there was!

How did I realize that it was there? Simple, I knew that I was going to see this person soon and all the hurt and anger came back. Oh, I was surprised because like I said I thought I had dealt with it. I have been praying for the last few days about how I would deal with seeing this person. My prayers were focused on kind of "I hope I don't see this person. That we sort of just miss each other". Yeah, God wasn't going to let that happen.

So I slipped into bed and started to pray and as I prayed listing things to God it was more and more obvious that I had not forgiven this person, not at all! If anything it had gotten worse. I mean I could now add the "I reached out and got rejected" to my list of wrongs done to me. When I realized I was harboring unforgiveness I literally felt my stomach drop. It was gut wrenching! Then my listing continued, but now it was a list of all the things I need to let go of in order for the forgiveness to happen. As I listed each thing I felt my heart grow lighter, I mean literally!

Well, as it turned out there was no "sort of just missing each other" thing at all. Turning a corner and there we were, and with total honesty I was able to greet this person with joy. I was actually happier to see this person. I felt so much at peace!

Did forgiving change the past circumstances? No! Forgiving changed me though and for that I am truly happy.