At the start of each new year I pray for a word, a phrase, and knowing of what they year means. 2011 was the year of obedience. That year resulted in me going on my first mission trip and many steps outside of my comfort zone. 2012 was The Year. That is a pretty overwhelming thought isn't it!
The Year. The Year for what? I thought maybe something major, a major life change event. Um, nope. I was waiting all year for some big dramatic change to take place. But nothing happened. Well, something happened but it wasn't what I thought.
The changes that have taken place this year have been gradual and internal. I cannot point to one event or date when these changes happened, but I do know that there has been change. I have found that I have used my voice more this year, more of what God has spoken to me, not just repeating what others have said. Not only have I been writing posts for this blog, but I have also done a few devotional type writings and made a group on Facebook to read them. They are often like these posts, I only write them when God has given me something to write about. He speaks a verse to me whether in my quiet time, I read it in another book, or I hear someone else make reference to it. These verses lend me to thinking about how they relate to my life and He gives me a couple paragraphs or so to write about them.
Another way He has changed me is that I have written a few short stories all along a common theme. I don't know if these will ever be seen by others or not, but I have enjoyed writing them. I believe these stories are from God because the words just flow out of me as I type them. I can't seem to just stop and come back to them later. I have to finish writing the story. I even wrote one once that was obviously my own creation and I knew it. He didn't let my mind rest from that story until I went back to it and completely rewrote it. When that story was done I knew it was no longer my story, but rather the one He told me to write.
Other internal changes include being separated by God for a time of preparation. I am an introvert by nature and have tried not to do the separate-myself-thing because I would much rather do that then but myself into the mist of others. This separation has been different. I don't know how to explain it, but I know that it has been. Now what exactly He is preparing me for I do not know, but I do treasure this time He has been preparing me.
Even with there being this time of separation I have made new friendships and deeper friendships with others that I have known. I have never had lots of friends at any given time. I have no problem with having just one or two good friends. It is nice to have some new ones developing. I have found that I have been able to open up more with them as well.
So there are only two full days left in 2012 and I still expect some things to happen to make the The Year. But it's been a good year that if nothing else changes inside of me in these two days I will be content with what He has done n 2012. And in three days I will be asking for a new new word, phrase, or knowing for 2013. I'm pretty excited about that too.
Showing posts with label Changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Changes. Show all posts
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Uncertainty
I hate it! I really, really hate it! Yet, in all honesty, that is where I live much of the time. The only thing I am truly certain of is that God is with me ALWAYS!
This week I learned that my Kenya trip was cancelled. It was cancelled for good reasons that I truly agree with, but it doesn't change the fact that I am very disappointed and now uncertain about what to do. I could go on another missions trip to Haiti. The August one would work with my school schedule. I could transfer my deposit and the money I have raised so far to do that. I'm just so uncertain.
I wrote and submitted a proposal to create a position in my school district. It might get totally shot down, but I saw a need and have a passion so I went ahead and made the proposal. If it actually happens it would change my schedule. More uncertainty.
I found out the campus I was attending for church has to close and that made me very sad. I understand the decision, but it'll be strange to return to the main campus. Things have changed since I last went there. Not necessarily with the church but more so with me, so I am uncertain about this Sunday.
I have been going to the main campus at 9:00 to pray and then driving over to the other campus for service. So now I am wondering do I continue to do prayer at 9:00 and service at 11:00 or do I do service at 9:00 and prayer at 11:00?
The Seekers group hasn't started yet, and I am very uncertain that I am the right person for this task. I am uncertain of how people will interact with each other, with me. I am uncertain if they will be people who want to know God or if they are people who want to have proof of God. I am uncertain of how I will be able to even share with them the One who I can't imagine living without.
I decided yesterday that I need to find a way to show my students more love. Now I need to figure out the best way to do that. Do I do something for them? Do I give them something? Do I simply write them little notes of encouragement? Uncertain how to show them more love.
Then there are the simple choices of life that I am uncertain about. It's my first Spring in my house and I see flowers coming up and I have purchased some to plant. I am uncertain about where to plant what I have bought. I don't want to plant anything where there are already plants that are going to come up as Spring continues. (Yes, I know it isn't really Spring, but it has been Spring here in NC for a few weeks now.) Where do I put items in my home? What should I add to the quilt I have been making for a couple of years now. I have been creating as I go along rather than have a plan. That may seem strange but it is how I wanted to do it when I started it. I am uncertain about what to add next.
I made a promise to God to leave a certain situation alone. At times I have wanted to poke myself back into it. I love the person involved, but have promised God to be quiet and let Him. I am uncertain that this person knows how much I care.
Uncertain! Please pray for me! Please don't pray that I would be certain, that isn't what I ask for. Please pray for wisdom. His Word says He gives it to those who ask. Please pray for listening spiritual ears to hear His Voice and a desire to obey even when it feels even more uncertain than it already does.
This week I learned that my Kenya trip was cancelled. It was cancelled for good reasons that I truly agree with, but it doesn't change the fact that I am very disappointed and now uncertain about what to do. I could go on another missions trip to Haiti. The August one would work with my school schedule. I could transfer my deposit and the money I have raised so far to do that. I'm just so uncertain.
I wrote and submitted a proposal to create a position in my school district. It might get totally shot down, but I saw a need and have a passion so I went ahead and made the proposal. If it actually happens it would change my schedule. More uncertainty.
I found out the campus I was attending for church has to close and that made me very sad. I understand the decision, but it'll be strange to return to the main campus. Things have changed since I last went there. Not necessarily with the church but more so with me, so I am uncertain about this Sunday.
I have been going to the main campus at 9:00 to pray and then driving over to the other campus for service. So now I am wondering do I continue to do prayer at 9:00 and service at 11:00 or do I do service at 9:00 and prayer at 11:00?
The Seekers group hasn't started yet, and I am very uncertain that I am the right person for this task. I am uncertain of how people will interact with each other, with me. I am uncertain if they will be people who want to know God or if they are people who want to have proof of God. I am uncertain of how I will be able to even share with them the One who I can't imagine living without.
I decided yesterday that I need to find a way to show my students more love. Now I need to figure out the best way to do that. Do I do something for them? Do I give them something? Do I simply write them little notes of encouragement? Uncertain how to show them more love.
Then there are the simple choices of life that I am uncertain about. It's my first Spring in my house and I see flowers coming up and I have purchased some to plant. I am uncertain about where to plant what I have bought. I don't want to plant anything where there are already plants that are going to come up as Spring continues. (Yes, I know it isn't really Spring, but it has been Spring here in NC for a few weeks now.) Where do I put items in my home? What should I add to the quilt I have been making for a couple of years now. I have been creating as I go along rather than have a plan. That may seem strange but it is how I wanted to do it when I started it. I am uncertain about what to add next.
I made a promise to God to leave a certain situation alone. At times I have wanted to poke myself back into it. I love the person involved, but have promised God to be quiet and let Him. I am uncertain that this person knows how much I care.
Uncertain! Please pray for me! Please don't pray that I would be certain, that isn't what I ask for. Please pray for wisdom. His Word says He gives it to those who ask. Please pray for listening spiritual ears to hear His Voice and a desire to obey even when it feels even more uncertain than it already does.
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