Waited Two Days!

Most people know the shortest verse in the Bible. "Jesus wept." John 11:35. Many of those people know it's in reference to the death and resurrection of Lazarus. They know, and some giggle, when Martha, Lazarus' sister, tells Jesus that his four day old corpse stinks. They know that Jesus arrived too late to heal Lazarus before he died. Wait, what? Jesus arrived too late! Or did He?

There are these incredible nuggets of Truth found in the beginning of the chapter. I'll let it speak for itself.

"Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. It was that Mary who anointed the Lord with fragrant oil and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. Therefore the sisters sent to Him, saying, "Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick."

When Jesus heard that, He said, "This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it."

Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was.  Then after this He said to the disciples, "Let us go to Judea again." John 4:1-7

Okay, you shouldn't have missed it, especially since I bolded it, but go back and look at each word carefully. It starts with "so" which means you need to look at the sentence before it. Jesus loved them, so when he heard Lazarus was sick he waited. HE WAITED! Aren't you thinking He should have hurried up and headed for Bethany when He heard the news? Especially since He loved them! He could have gotten there in time! In time for what? To do another miracle of healing the sick.

Now, I'm not making light of His healings. They were miracles, and they brought many people to believe in Him. But at this point, near the end of His time on Earth, a simple (for Jesus) healing wasn't going to cut it. Lazarus needed to die. He needed to be dead, and buried, and stinking. Jesus needed to stay away until then, because He loved them. Most of the other people He healed He didn't know. Well, He knew them because He's God, but He didn't have an earthly relationship with them, but He did with Lazarus and his sisters. His healing of the others brought Him believers, and skeptics, and He could heal them and go on with His day. Why was this time different?

In verse 4, He basically is saying this sickness isn't about death, but about glory for God. Everyone, except for Jesus, is focused on the sickness and the resulting death from the sickness. Jesus knows what will happen after the death and that is where His focus is. He knows that Lazarus will come out of the tomb and many more will come to believe in Him, and some will go an tell the religious leaders what He has done. He knows that will further motivate them to seek to put Him to death, which will ultimately lead to His death and resurrection. This story isn't just about Lazarus and his sisters after all!

The story doesn't stop there. It continues today. He still waits, sometimes two days, sometimes two months, sometimes two years, and sometimes much loner than that. He knows all about the sickness, trauma, struggles, finances, and dangers in our lives. He loves us, just like He loved Lazarus, Martha, and Mary, so He waits. He waits until what seems like death, and sometimes until it really stinks, and then He comes. Why? Because, He sees beyond what we see. He sees how this awfulness of our lives will bring about His glory and bring others into relationship with Him. He could come and stop the sickness, heal our hurt, or give us that clear direction we seek, but He loves us enough to wait. He waits until the right moment. He could have left for Bethany as soon as He heard, because Lazarus would have been dead two days instead of four by the time He could there, but He waited. Maybe Lazarus was stinky enough yet from only two days in the tomb. Jesus needed him to be good and smelly, so He waited. He waits as much time as needed in our lives too. He waits until others, and even ourselves, can't possibly see anyway out except death of some kind, death of an opportunity, a dream or a relationship.

The rest of the story is that Jesus does raise Lazarus from the dead. He does gain others who believe in Him. The rest of your story? My story? He does wait because He loves us. He comes exactly on time, when He will be most glorified. Does that mean the wait isn't as agonizing as it was was Lazarus, who most have suffered before he died? Or for his sisters as the watched their brother die, prepared him for burial, and watched him be buried? Does that mean that it won't be for each of us as well? Unfortunately, no. It will be, but we can trust in the Truth that He loves us. And that is why He waits.

Struggles

A few days ago I made a decision. It wasn't a decision that changed anything on the outside, but it was a big decision for me. It was one of those decisions that resulted in peace and calm. I felt light and smiley afterwards.

The next day came and I was surprised at how easily I went through the day with the same sense of peace. It felt easy. I thanked God for His strength, because I knew it had to be His not mine.

The next day was the same and the day after that. And then the next day came and it was a day of significance and I had to cling to God to help me remain strong in the decision and not let the significance of the day affect that. With God, I made it through. It ended with more thankful praise for His strength and peace.

Today was a breeze in comparison, and then I saw it. A post on Facebook, an innocent enough one, but one that made my resolve crumble. I felt ready to cry and thought "Lord, I really, really need You right now!" I changed a setting on Facebook and the post disappeared from my wall. I sighed with relief, but still felt a tug on me.

So that tug drove me here to share. I am far from perfect and my strength is significantly weak. I struggle and need God's strength and direction each and every day. I don't have to go through any moment of my day alone. He is always ready and willing to show me the way. He's strength is more than enough for me. "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9.

After writing this and even before I click "publish"  I feel the peace of His and I can smile. I know there will still be testing and trying times as I stay committed to this decision, but He will continue to be my all and all.

Holiday Struggles

So the greatest time of the year is approaching, and I can't say I'm looking forward to it. Thanksgiving and Christmas are holidays that I love, but dread at the same time.

When I was a kid and even as a young adult I loved spending holidays with my Mom's family. I remember holidays in Rochester and Scotsville, NY. I remember lots of family, wonderful food, Aunt Ginny's girly tree in the parlor and the tall tree in the family room. I remember the tree in my Grandparent's living room. We rarely went in there, but with the tree in there we spend time there. I loved that room. I kind of felt like holding my breath when I entered it. I loved the figurines on the mantle and the formal furniture. The room seemed perfect to me. I loved the laughter, games, sitting at the kids' table. I remember watching football, lots and lots of football.

I always thought when I grew up holidays would be like that. They aren't. Sometimes we have family dinners, but sometimes that family is just three of us. We might watch football, but there is no noisy outbursts of cheers or groans. Every year there seems to be a diet someone is on so the meal is simple, good, but simple. There are no children running from room to room. There are some games, when the kids are there. We watch It's A Wonderful Life if it's on. There is no parlor with a girly tree or a sacred living room with figurines on the mantle.

The worst part is I imagined it would be my house full of family, food, fun, and football. But it's not. I have no family. I have no reason to cook lots of cookies, candies, and treats for the holidays. This is what I've always dreamed of. Each holiday season reminds me of what I long for and don't have.

I have great family. They include me, but it also makes me feel like a third, fifth, and sometimes a seventh wheel. Being with the nephews and niece just reminds me of the children I thought I'd have by now and don't. I love my family and love spending time with them, but around the holidays it hurts at the same time. I always imagined spending time with them and my family.

I just wonder how many holiday seasons more I will spend before some of those dreams come true, or if I will spend all the rest of them this way.

Recently I started to wonder how many others feel the same way. I wonder how many people have gone holiday season to holiday season wishing and waiting for a family of their own to celebrate with. Sometimes we feel like we are the only one, but I believe that is a lie of satan. He doesn't want us to know there are others. He wants us to feel isolated and alone. He doesn't want us to turn to God in our hurt. He wants us to stay sad. Sometimes, I admit, it is hard to turn to God when I hurt. Sometimes I am angry with Him. Sometimes I wonder how much longer until He changes things. I know He might not change things, but He definitely is changing me.

I know this holiday season won't be easy, but I also know that He is with me and He knows my every want, desire, and need.