Saturday, June 23, 2012

While I'm Waiting

The words of this song have been going through my mind a lot lately. I even wake up with the words of the chorus running through my thoughts. The song is called "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller.


I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait


I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait


I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord




I always have the same question when I hear them, "how do I serve you while I am waiting?"
This is the problem with summer vacation. I look forward to it each year but about two weeks in I start to get restless and feel like I have no purpose. During the school year my purpose is quite obvious, and although draining at times it is fulfilling because I know that is my calling. The few days of rest, sleeping in or going back to sleep after feeding the demanding cats and dog, and staying in PJ's way passed the time I would be in school doesn't fulfill the times of feel directionless and purposeless.

Now, I am not waiting for school to start again. That will happen again in middle August. Honestly, I am waiting for what happens after I turn 40, and that is next week. A few years ago I felt that 40 was a significant number for me and I had no desire to wait until I turned 40. I thought I would never make it. Now it is less than a week away. I am both excited and a bit apprehensive, okay mostly apprehensive.

One thing I want more than any thing is to be married and to have a child. Even though this is what I want I fear it too. I listen to the radio and they do these snippets about family and marriage. The name of it escapes me right now, but I am sure it plays on many Christian stations. They are good, helpful, practical helps for husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and children. At times these helps scary me to death. And the memories of my parent's marriage and others that have not been successful make me scared to death of being married. Not to mention, I see the failure of those who are supposed to protect and care for their children and instead damage them. I know parents make mistake and I fear screwing up a child.

What does this have to do with the song, well that is what I am waiting or, even though it scares me. So as I wait how do I serve? Like I said, that is my question. I also said in the summer it is hard for me to find purpose. I don't want to just start doing the things everyone does to serve, not that many aren't worthy, but rather I know they are not the way He is asking me to. How do I know? Because I have tried. I felt less close to doing what He wanted when I tried to do what others did or what others expected. So I will continue to ask the question until God gives me the answer.

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