I feel about ready to bust! And not in a bad way. In a breaking free, breaking out, scary-cause-it's-new way. I am excited and apprehensive and happy and scared spitless. (Where did that saying come from anyway?)
Last night I was having a dream. I don't remember all the details but I remember enough to know the message. Throughout the dream I was in the midst of others but I was the only one experiencing certain things. At one point wind, strong wind, was blowing on me. I was bent over because of it. I couldn't understand why no one else noticed or felt it, but it was obvious that they didn't. I said something to them and they all seemed shocked. The dream went on like this. Experience after experience where I was the only one who was experiencing something different. I woke up in the middle of the night and before I even had the whole question of what it meant out to God, He answered. He was telling me that I was set apart for some things. I was to do some things differently. Others may not notice, but that it was from Him.
The last few months I have been set apart literally by listening to His call to leave the church I attended. I thought I should look for a new church, but God said, "no!" I went with my Mom and Rick, my stepdad, to a gathering of their Home Church but it wasn't right. I went to a women's prayer time with ladies from this same group and I felt uncertain, unsettled. I knew that God was telling me, "no!" But I missed being with others, even though my time with Him has been deeper and more peaceful than ever. I felt He was preparing me, and that in its self is exciting and scary.
When I bought this house I knew it was not just for me. Which has perplexed me since it has been a little over a year and it is still just mine. Now I am no Martha Stewart, thankfully because she bugs me, and I am a bit of a clutter bug. God told me some time back to clean out. I had a pretty big yard sale and donated the leftovers and a lot was gone. But not everything. I want to be organized, but get overwhelmed in the how and expense, it isn't cheap. My kitchen is too small for all my kitchen stuff, but I know that food is somehow an important part of this house.
When I bought the house my Mom, Rick, and I prayed in each room of the house. In the dining area Rick prayed specifically for the people who would be there eating. Now, that sounds normal since it is the dinning room, but the gist of the prayer was beyond just normal meals in the room, and I felt a pricking in my heart. A glimmer of a desire that I had had for feeding others. I kind of sort that was interesting, but pushed it back in my mind for sometime, since I had painting and moving and unpacking to focus on.
Well, coming to the ready to bust part. As I prayed this morning I confessed my selfishness to God. I confessed that I wanted this and that, not bad things, just my way. I then took those things and turned them over to Him and that is when something started to grow in me. I started to feel overwhelmed by this idea, this coming together of thoughts and dreams and this preparing time. I started to do a few things to get ready, but the need to burst feeling was getting to the point where I had to burst. I knew that by sitting down and typing this I would be putting it out there, no take backs. So here goes...
I am opening up my home. I am opening it up to anyone who wants to come and have dinner with me. I am opening it up to people who want to fellowship around a meal and then spend time in God's Word together. Not a group that has a set study or lesson in mind, but rather we read His Word and listen to His Voice as He reveals Himself through it. A time to listen and share what He says through the Word. A time to pray with and for each other. A time to be more reflective of His early church.
I have written before about this desire to know more about the church. Not so much for the amazing miracles that He preformed through them, but rather how they lived. They went about their day, their work, their serving others without it being planned and broadcast, just done. They gathered for meals every day, because well every day you need to eat. They went to work at their jobs, speaking to the crowds or building in their carpenter shops or selling in their booths or washing clothes or whatever. they didn't stop doing their life, yes so were called from the occupations to speak, like Peter and John, but many went about doing what they were made to do and gathered together and ate, prayed, and teaching or being taught. They lived life. It wasn't a separate part of them that set aside time for church or groups or classes. It was a part of their everyday.
Now, I may not be able to open my home to others everyday, at least not in the beginning, but I will start with a little time and let God grow it as He will. When? When will it start? Good question! I still have some work to do to make the house ready, but it will be soon. Who? Who can come? Anyone! Family, friends, adults, children, those who know God and those who don't.
I am excited and I feel the pressure within my decrease as I let myself burst all over this post. So soon, very soon, be looking for a post where I say, "come" because it will be soon.