Risk Taker?

This might be shocking, but I don't like to take risks. I do not like to step into the unknown. I don't like to take a chance. I like everything to be predictable, to know the outcome. Life, unfortunately, is not like that. A walk of faith is definitely not predictable. It is full of the unknown and risks.

There are things that I will avoid because I play the worst-case scenario in my mind. Sometimes when I finally do it the results turn out better than I thought. Sometimes better than just "better", sometimes it turns out great. Sometimes it turns out badly. Sometimes the results I feared actually happen. Yesterday I had to take care of something I have been avoiding.

Yesterday I had to take Riley to the vet. Okay, she loves the vets! I know that might sound weird but she loves the attention and since she has a very high tolerance for pain the shots don't even phase her. Now, Riley is a chubby girl so I was a little concerned that she would weigh more than I thought. She does but she has lost a lot since her last visit,11 pounds, so the vet was pleased with that. She is on a diet and needs to workout as often as the temperature allows.

What I really worried about was her health. She is 9 years old and slowing down. One of her favorite things is a nap. She was acting very, very old about 2 months ago. Her hip seemed to bother her and she was even more lethargic than usual. The most concerning thing was that she had bumps on her sides. My fear? Cancer. I worried that she was dying and I couldn't face that idea.

Her results, she is chubby and has fat lumps. The vet said that there are soft and squishy and that if they were tumors they would be hard and difficult to move. So she doesn't have cancer.

Then I worried about the results of her tests. In the winter I don't usually give her heartworm/flea medicine. I had read that resistance to working out, including walking was a symptom of heartworms. She tends to lie down when she doesn' want to walk anymore. Also wide ribs was a sign and she has wide ribs. Mind you she has always had wide ribs, but when you are thinking the worst-case reasoning goes out the window. Her test result? Clear.

So I put off taking my poor old pup to the vet because I feared she was sick, that she was dying. Riley is not sick. The vet said she is healthy considering her age and weight. He mentioned "years from now", and I couldn't wipe the smile from my face.

Then I got in my car, prayed a quick thank you prayer and a prayer of repentance. I had to repent for letting fear be the voice I listened to and acted on, or didn't act because of. I realized that this is a pattern for me and talked to God about it on the way home.

This isn't news to me. I have always been this way, remember I like predictable, safe. But I want a life, a spiritual life, that is full and abundant and I don't think safe and predictable are words that describe that kind of life. So the next time I struggle with either listening to fear based on the unknown or risk I hope that I remember that I have a Voice that I can listen to and turn to Him.