I have been harboring some unforgiveness for a little over 3 years. The thing is I thought I wasn't. I thought since the person I was upset with and I had no interaction and I had prayed about the hurt then there wasn't any unforgiveness there. I had reached out to this person a few times over the last few years. I mean how could I reach out and still hold unforgiveness, right? Well, there was!
How did I realize that it was there? Simple, I knew that I was going to see this person soon and all the hurt and anger came back. Oh, I was surprised because like I said I thought I had dealt with it. I have been praying for the last few days about how I would deal with seeing this person. My prayers were focused on kind of "I hope I don't see this person. That we sort of just miss each other". Yeah, God wasn't going to let that happen.
So I slipped into bed and started to pray and as I prayed listing things to God it was more and more obvious that I had not forgiven this person, not at all! If anything it had gotten worse. I mean I could now add the "I reached out and got rejected" to my list of wrongs done to me. When I realized I was harboring unforgiveness I literally felt my stomach drop. It was gut wrenching! Then my listing continued, but now it was a list of all the things I need to let go of in order for the forgiveness to happen. As I listed each thing I felt my heart grow lighter, I mean literally!
Well, as it turned out there was no "sort of just missing each other" thing at all. Turning a corner and there we were, and with total honesty I was able to greet this person with joy. I was actually happier to see this person. I felt so much at peace!
Did forgiving change the past circumstances? No! Forgiving changed me though and for that I am truly happy.
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