A few weeks ago I couldn't take it anymore. Every word spoken to me, every action taken by someone send my mind into a battlefield. Words spoken to me became slights and attacks. Words not spoken were even worse! My brain was shouting at me things like, "if she was really your friend she would have said this or that". Actions were bad as well. The way a person looked at me, the way a person stood, were just two ways that my mind started to tell me what people meant about them. I truly felt like my mind was warring inside me and that I was losing.
A friend stopped me on the way out one Friday and linked her arm in mine and asked the question, "how are you doing?" I almost lost it, right there in the school hallway. I wanted so badly to just breakdown and weep, something I had done a lot for two weeks already. The difference was someone else could hear my crazy thoughts. I shared with her what my mind was doing. Her advice was to read Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers.
I had actually just given another friend a copy of a devotional version of the book, because I knew God told me she needed it. I actually thought for a moment about asking for it back, but I knew she was supposed to have it, and that I needed the full book version. The problem was I didn't have it. When I got home, I texted my Mom to see if she did, but she didn't. I slipped into my comfy clothes ready to start the weekend, but my strong NEED for the book wouldn't let me rest. I jumped online and tried to find it. I could have ordered it but it was Friday so I wouldn't have gotten it until Monday or Tuesday. I knew I couldn't wait that long. So I looked it up on Walmart and Target's sites, but none of the local stores that it. Then I remembered the Christian bookstore in Matthews. I changed back into regular clothes and jumped in the car. I went right in and grabbed the book. It felt like I had won a victory.
At home again, I changed back into my comfy clothes and climbed into my bed and started reading. For the first time in weeks my mind was battling, but this time the right way. The Scriptures in the book were speaking straight to my mind and were battling back against all the lies and junk that I had been listening to and believing. Each chapter spoke (or speaks since I'm still reading it) to a battle that I was experiencing. After reading each chapter I felt relief and wondered if there might be a chapter that didn't fit me, so far they fit.
Sometimes I have no idea how much of his lies I have listened to and started believing until the Truth speaks. It is truly amazing how much our minds can get messed with before we realize that it is even happening. Why? I think it's because my voice and satan's voice are so loud. They shout in our minds, in our situations, and even in our relationships. His voice is a still, small voice. I let my mind listen to everything else but Him. Silence is the answer. Listen to Him and shut off the volume to any other voice. The only way to win the battlefield of my mind is for my mind to be on Him and the Truth of His Word. Not always easy, because as I mentioned it is hard to hear His voice over the others. A battle needs to be fought with a plan, a strategy, therefore I need to use a strategy when I feel my mind being attacked by the enemy, or even me, I need to get silent. I need to spend time listening to His voice in the form of His Word or His direct speaking to me or even His speaking to me through others.
It's time to follow that strategy. The enemy will fight back, he has no idea that he's already lost the war, so he keeps up the battles. There will be times I retreat because I think I can't continue the fighting, but God will help me regroup and get back in the battle. Because just like another of Joyce Meyer's titles "The Battle Belongs to the Lord".