Judas Walked with Jesus

But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (he who was about to betray him), said, 'Why was this ointment not sold for three denarii and given to the poor?' he said this, not because he cared about the poor, bit because he was a thief, and having charge to the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it. John 12:4-7

Judas Iscariot was one of Jesus' disciples. He walked with Jesus. He talked to Jesus. He listened to Jesus. He laughed with Jesus. He ate with Jesus. He slept near Jesus. He was amazed by Jesus. He was confused by the words and actions of Jesus. He followed Jesus. For three years, he was right there with Jesus and he knew Jesus. Judas betrayed Jesus!

There are many who believe that if a person has heard enough about Jesus then that person will have no other real choice by the believe in Him. It is a nice thought, and those of us who do believe that Jesus is the Son of God and have accepted Him, it is hard to understand why others don't. I, honestly, can't fathom how others don't or don't want to. After experiencing peace where there was not room in the circumstance for peace, I can't understand not wanting to experience it. After hearing His voice speak to my heart on innumerable occasions, I can't believe others never want to hear Him. After praying for healing from pain and experiencing a flow come over me and the pain be gone, I can't imagine that there are people who would rather live with the pain. After having a part o Scripture, that I've read over and over again, suddenly become amazingly clear, I can't imagine choosing to walk around blindly. I can't imagine not having the comfort of knowing I will never be alone. I can't imagine making major decisions without asking for His guidance to make the right choice. Some people have walked the Christian life and chosen to walk away, so why would I expect those who haven't to accept Him at the last moment because they have heard.

Judas didn't believe. If the ones who were right there with Him, missed out on truly knowing and accepting Him, then it is dangerous for us to believe people just need to hear about Him enough to accept Him. Judas actually hear Jesus speak and still betrayed Him.

So what will it take? What do people really need to come to acceptance of Christ? Well, since Judas wasn't the only one who walked with Jesus, t seems there is no one way to come to Him. Andrew heard Him speak and believed. He ran and got Peter and told him abut Jesus and Peter believed. James and John were simply called and  they believed. The woman caste at Jesus' feet to be stoned was forgiven and she believed. The woman at the well was told all her sin and she believed. Some needed to feel His healing touch to believe. Some needed to see Him heal others to believe. Some needed to hear His words of love to believe. Some need to hear the harsh truth of their lives to believe. Some needed to be taught by Him to believe. It isn't different today.

There are people who grow up in church, hearing the Word, and they believe. Others need a miracle of love to flow into the ugliness of their situation to believe. They need someone to hand them a bowl of soup and a slice of bread. They need someone to take them into their home after their own family has abandoned them. They need a doctor who performs the right procedure or dispenses the right medicine, but also prays over them for them to believe. They need someone to look beyond the money, cars, houses to see that they are trying to fill the incredible void in their life with things. They need some to hold their baby while they tend to the boo boo on the toddler's knee. They need someone to listen; someone to feed them; someone to laugh with them; someone to talk to them; someone to show they the Way.

Every person needs something different to come to Jesus. Yet thy all need the same thing, they need an open heart. Judas heard, walked, laughed with Jesus, but his heart wasn't open to Him. Don't just assume that being in church your whole life means your heart has been open to accept Him. Don't assume that if a person hears enough about Jesus they will accept Him. It is far too important to just assume that words in our lives or others is enough. We need to seek how to reach people. I have a friend who is not a believer, and I pray about how to share Him with her. For now, God has told me her heart isn't open, so I simply need to be her friend. Do I worry that's no enough? Of course I do. Yet until her heart is open, words just won't be enough. Be prayerful of how to reach others and be ready to talk, laugh, listen, cry, or do whatever that person needs.

God Wins!

I got a message from a friend telling me about a work situation of one of her sons. In the end he needs a new job due to the situation, and she mentioned how mean people are, how it seems that they are taking over. Instantly a phrase came to me, "God Wins!"

I have personally heard this phrase for me and had to cling to it as the mean, ugly, and even evil actions of others have gotten me down. When I felt like there was no answer, "God Wins!" would come to my mind.

See God has already won. Jesus made sure everyone, even satan knew that when He died and rose again. Satan knows it, but he wants to take as many people down with him before the end as he can. He still wants our focus to be one of wondering if good triumphs or not. He wants us to question whether God really won, and doubt that He will ultimately raise our hands over our head and declare, that because we are His, we win too.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying if I want to take something that isn't mine I get to declare, "God Wins!" and just take it. This isn't about me getting more stuff, more power, more anything. If anything it'll mean less, less pride, less selfishness, less anger, etc. I would like less of those things. I will gain in other areas though, go deeper in them. More joy in knowing Who I belong to; a deeper relationship with God; more trust that He will continue to show His faithfulness even as I and others don't show much of any.

"God Wins!" helps me look to God instead of the circumstances. It helps me shut up the overdone thoughts that have spun any number of horrible scenarios. It helps me calm my wildly beating heart and racing pulse. It makes me see the sunlight shafts bursting through the clouds of life. "God Wins!" is my reminder that He already has, but some battles need to be played out for me to see His victory. He has already been to the end of the battle, but I need to continue on until I get there to see it.

If you know me personally, then you know I hate Christian catch phrase, otherwise know as Christianese. This phrase is not just a unicorn riding a rainbow phrase like so many Christian catch phrases make me think of. It is a personal reminder to focus on the fact that He has the the victory, and although I don't know what that looks like yet, He has it all planned out. If the phrase helps you focus like that then please use it freely. However, if you want to put it on a t-shirt and maybe there will be a rainbow, puffy clouds, and a galloping unicorn, please don't. :)

Sorry, I couldn't resist. 

When I Was Judged

When I was young I played with my brothers and neighbors in the woods; climbed barbwire fences, climbed trees; ate pears straight from the trees; played wiffle ball; swam in our above ground pool; tobogganed and sledded in my neighbor's pasture; ran across the hay fields; made mud pies; thrilled over finding barn kittens in the hay loft; and never knew there was anything wrong with that. I learned there was something wrong with my country life when the town girls in school made fun of me for it. Obviously, now I look back and know better. There was nothing wrong with living on our farm. I wish, almost daily, that I still lived on a small farm with barn cats and even chickens, which I've been afraid of since I was attacked by a rooster when I was three.

I didn't know there was anything wrong with being the child of divorced parents until my closest friend's mother made it know that my mother was bad for being divorced. I didn't realize that I wasn't good enough to be her friend because of it. I love that she remained my friend anyway, even though I always felt the judgment in her mother's eyes. Once, again, I now know that there was nothing wrong with me because of my parents' martial status.

I worked at a retreat during the summers when I was in college. People of all ages came there usually for a week at a time. A friend I worked with told me some of the teenage girls thought I was conceited because I didn't look at them when I passed them; I didn't interact with them. I remember laughing because that was the farthest thing from the truth. I didn't interact with them because they seemed so cool, so popular, and I felt inferior to them. I rarely saw any value in me.

When I was young I used to say, "I'm cute! I'm sweet! And everybody loves me!" Deep inside I knew it wasn't true but I wanted to believe it. Not everybody loved me, some didn't even like me. Some didn't like me because my family had less than theirs. Some didn't like me because of my parents. One girl in college didn't like because I thought her boyfriend was cute, but I thought that before she even came to my college. I also never did anything besides think he was cute. I remember being shocked that she even disliked me so much over a thought. I was definitely not the only girl who thought so. Some people didn't like me, and I didn't even know why. I still don't.

We all have character flaws that we aren't aware of. I always wonder how it's possible that we don't know what it is, but they are so obvious to others. I know many of my character faults, but often wonder what is it I don't know about myself that turns people off to me. I ask God about it from time to time. That He reveals it to me and helps me work on it so I no longer have it.

Right now I am experiencing one of these time when something about me makes someone else not like me. A time when I don't understand why someone wants to be nice to my face, but then behind my back is trying to get rid of me. In the past, I would just cower and let the person walk all over me. This time I believe that God wants me to stand up against this. If I am at fault then that would be one thing, but I've never done anything but my job and let others do theirs. Some day I know I will look back and see the value in this, how God will use this time to help others. How do I know, because in many of the above mentioned situations in my life I have been able to help students who go through the same or similar situations. I marvel at how He uses even our deepest hurts to help us and others.

Stop Focusing on the Me Part of the Verse

Far warning, this is not a warm and fuzzy post. It might hit close to home and you might even be offended. What I'm writing about hits home for me. I spend way too much time thinking about the "me parts"and not enough on the "God parts". This is written not as a "Christians are bad" post, but hopefully as an eye opener and direction changer.

I have a problem with how me and many Christians read verses in the Bible. We grab onto the "me part" and tend to ignore the "God part". What do I mean by that? Well, here's some popular examples.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not evil, to give you a future and a hope." I admit this is one of my favorite verses, who wouldn't love it! But read the verse before it: "For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place." Um, seventy years later and then the promise! Yikes, that part isn't on any of the pictures of this verse. But wait there's more.

There's the two verses afterward: "Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart." So, wait I have to seek after God with my whole heart to get the promise? What? I have to call on, pray to, and seek after God in order to get what I want? Yes! Yes, I do. And it isn't even about me getting what I want. The Israelites were bad, very bad. God allowed them to be taken into captivity by Babylon. Then He promises them that after they have suffered for 70 years, they will finally start to seek Him! That's when He will fulfill the promise of Jeremiah 29:11. See, they weren't getting ahead, getting something brand new. They were getting to go back home, to Israel. They weren't getting more than the Promised Land; they were getting to go back to the Promised Land.

Here's another one.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." I have literally heard Christians walking around and claiming that all things work together for their good. Do you notice the one little change they make to the verse. God didn't promise that we would have good for ourselves, He promised that everything, even the yucky things of life, will work together for good, not necessarily our "give me what I want" good, but maybe more like that "suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope" kind of good. I have been dumbfounded when I hear people declare that they are going to get what they want because they claim God promised it in this verse.

But that's the "look at me" part, not the "God part". The verses before are about how we don't even know what to pray for, so the Holy Spirit intercedes for us. About how He intercedes according to the will of whom? Nope, not my will or your will, but God's will. The Holy Spirit doesn't pray that we get all the good that we want. He prays that we get all the good that God wills us to have, the good that comes for suffering and being able to endure, grow character, and end up with hope.

The list of verses could go on and on, but let's look at just one more.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Let's be totally honest, most of us just focus on the first five words, "I can do all things". There are bracelets, posters, cute photos online that declare that we can do all things. Too many times, they don't even mention how it is possible that we can do all things. We can do all things "through Him who strengthens me" and the Him, there is God, of course.

Christians want to start a new business. I can do all things! Christians want to win in a sporting competition. I can do all things! Christians want to get a new car. I can do all things! I want what I want. I can do all things!

Once again look at the verses around verse 13. Paul is telling them that he has learned that in tough situations, and he had his share of them, he can be content. He has also learned how to face having plenty and having need. How, you might ask. He states "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." He's telling them, and us, that he has learned to live with a lot and with a little because God is the one who gives him what he needs. His doesn't focus on "I can do it" but on "God can do it".

Once again, this is as much about me as it is about anyone else. I love Jeremiah 29:11 for the promise as much as anyone does. But I have learned, well still learning, to read the promise verses in context. I need to be open to hearing how God wants me to endure through trials and how He wants me to seek after Him with my whole heart. I need to remember that I need to humble myself, delight in the Lord, and take the focus off of me. I need to remember that He fights my real enemies, satan and his demons, and not the people who I see as being in my way or annoying to me. I need to focus more on seeking after God and less on what He promised.

In terms of a fairy tale, I need to be the Cinderella who wants to be with the prince, to marry him, rather than the step-sisters who wanted to have all the good that goes along with being married to the prince. I need to seek to know Him and not seek to get from Him.

I know that I need to be reminded to read the promise verses in context and look for God in them, and I figured I'm not the only one. 

Be a Bent Lamppost

A couple weeks ago, as I drove to work I noticed this lamppost at a local gas station. I wasn't in the best location while stopped at the light to take a photo, and I hoped they wouldn't fix the lamppost before I had a chance to get the shot. I might have even prayed that it wouldn't be. Okay, I did pray it wouldn't be. Thankfully the next week, I was in the right spot for a photo. I rolled down my window and took it.

Why? Well, when I saw that lamppost the first time I heard God speak to me. I heard Him say, "be like a bent lamppost."

You might think I questioned why, but I know instantly. See I have driven by this same lamppost for years and I have never noticed it. In it's upright position I simply took it for granted. But in this obviously, a-car-hit-me-hard position I saw it for what it was. I saw that even bent over and barely clinging to its base it was still shinning. Not only that but look how the grass is lit up. Look at how wide and bright the light is. It's not even all in the photo. God told me in that moment that the bent and bruised and broken of us can still shine His Light. Our struggles make others take notice of us. He can shine through a upright lamppost, but unless you need it, you ignore it. He can shine so much brighter and wider when we are bent.

The below photo I took today, and I'll admit it's not great. I wasn't in the right spot and it was misting so I didn't want to roll down the window. But I knew today was the day to write this post, and I needed this photo to do it.

This is the replacement lamppost. Notice it is standing upright and shinning its light. But look at the ground under it. It is not nearly as bright as with its bent predecessor. Not only is it not as bright, its range is much smaller. Standing there lighting the parking lot and no one, except me, probably even notices it.

God wants to shine His Light through our lives. He will use the upright among us and some people will be able to see Him from them. But He really wants to use the bent among us. His Light is so much brighter and wider, and people can't help but notice us. They'll be amazed that we can still shine, just as I was amazed that the lamppost could still shine in its condition.

Let Him use you to shine through. Let Him take your brokenness and show His beautiful Light to others. Let Him spread the Light wide as you wait to be repaired. It isn't easy to go through the struggles we do. It feels like we are barely clinging on. But let others see the struggle and ultimately see His Light.

Afraid to Jump on the Couch

About a year and a half ago, I became the foster mommy to a sweet, but scared dog. I have no idea what kind of a life she had before being rescued from the shelter, but I knew she was scared of almost everything. She wouldn't go outside with out me. I mean she wouldn't even go out the door unless I went first. She was afraid of rain and loud noises. She was fearful of even being touched. Over the year and half she has come along way. She loves to snuggle, and yes, she now goes out by herself. She still doesn't like rain and loud noises still scare her, but she is better than she was.

There is one fear that she has that I can relate to. When she fails, she is too scared to try again. Recently she tried to jump on the couch, something she does daily, but she miscalculated. Her front legs went on the couch, but her back legs never made it. She got back down and they stutter-stopped about five times. Each time I patted the couch and told her to try again. Finally, she jumped up on the couch. Now, every once and awhile she goes through the whole routine again. Other times she jumps up with no problem. I guess the memory of her failed attempt replies and she fears missing.

Now, I don't jump up on the couch, but I do fear failure. Once I mess up, I find it scary to try again. I let that fear of missing to hold of me, and I can't try again. I even feared writing this post, which is why it's taken me awhile to even type it, and why the time between the last sentence and this one was about 5 minutes. Put myself out there and admitting challenges I face is scary. I don't text the friend and see if she wants to do something, because in the past I chose the wrong friend and it's tainted my attempts at friendship. I lost a lot of weight, but listened to "healthy" advice and put it back on. I was so confused, because I was doing it "right", but I was gaining weight so I quit. It took years, but I've finally put the fear behind me and have started doing it the right way. (So far, so good, by the way.) There are so many other ways that I can think of where I let fear stop me, some small and some big.

So how do I overcome the fear? How do I stop the stutter-stop? The only way that I know of is to trust God when the opportunities come. When I want to ask a friend when she can do lunch, I need to just do it and not over think it. I feel great since I changed the my eating and started doing some new exercises. I want to feel great, and not feel fear. I want to stop the hamster wheel of fearful thoughts and trust God. He is the only one who can help me overcome my fear. Easier said than done, but I want to do it!

PS. I adopted Stella, so now I'm the Mommy to that fearful pup. 🐕

Scattered but Good Came From It!

"...At that time a great persecution arose against the church which was at Jerusalem; and they were all scattered throughout the regions of Judea and Samaria, except the apostles...Therefor those who were scattered went everywhere preaching the word." Acts 8:1b and 4

Recently I have heard or read a lot against the idea that good comes from bad situations or that God will use tragedy for something good. The basic argument says that God is good and love and doesn't bring bad into our lives. Honestly, this debate grieves me. I know this is just my thoughts and I'm not stating that I have heard great words straight from God about this idea, but I still feel compelled to share my thoughts on the matter.

God is good. God is love. God does not bring bad things into our lives, because there is nothing bad about God. But the Scriptures clearly shows in the book of Job that God does allow bad things to happen to us. Go read Job 1 before we go any further, paying particular attention to the conversation between the Lord and satan. Did you see it? God asked satan if he had seen Job! Satan didn't come in and say, "hey God! Can I mess with Job's life?" Nope, God directed satan's attention to Job and then said that he could stretch his hand against him, but not take his life. Satan wasted no time, literally as one bearer of bad news was speaking another one would show up. Job's seemingly perfect life was completely destroyed in a matter of moments! And who pointed out this God-fearing man to satan? God did!

The story of Job and all that satan did to him is what always comes to my mind when I hear people try to theorize away the idea that God doesn't use tragedy in our lives to bring about good. In the beginning of Job 1 we learn about all that he was and all that possessed: he was blameless; he feared God and turned from evil; he had seven sons and three daughters; he had 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 female donkeys; he had many servants; and he was greatest of all the people in the east. He had it all! What did he have after satan had done his best to completely destroy the life of Job, even the very essence of who Job was? All his brother and sisters came and gave him money and jewelry; his flocks doubled 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys; and he one again had seven sons and three daughters, who were the most beautiful women of the land and given an inheritance along with their brothers (which didn't happen often during those time).

But God didn't just bless him with much on the other side of satan's destruction. He spoke directly with Job, and even though he was considered blameless before he had wrong thinking of God that needed to be corrected. Read through chapters 38-41, where God corrects Job. If God had spoken these things to Job before he had gone through the suffering he had endured their effect wouldn't have turned Job's heart as they did after his suffering. God used the tragedy for good!

Now, this post started with New Testament verses. I did that on purpose, because I know some will say Job is just a story (which I completely disagree with!) or that that was from the Old Testament and God is different now. The Scripture tells us that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, so argument doesn't hold water either. It isn't God who changed, but Jesus's death and resurrection change the nature of our relationship with God. Back to the point. Jesus told the disciples, now apostles, to go out as witnesses to the whole earth (Acts 1:9). Until chapter 8, there is no mention of them leaving Jerusalem to share what God had given them to share. It wasn't until the stoning of Stephen and the persecution of followers by Saul, that anyone left Jerusalem. The "therefor" in verse 4 is in reference to that persecution. Saul was throwing men and women into prison for their faith and the rest were scattering from the city. They went out into Judea and Samaria and shared with others. The first two places Jesus told the apostles to go in chapter 1 were Judea and Samaria, and now because it wasn't safe to remain in Jerusalem, that is exactly what they did. Why did Christianity spread across the world? Persecution. As the followers of God were persecuted,groups would leave and take the message with them. The Pilgrims did that same thing over a 1,000 years later. They were persecuted for their beliefs and they hopped on the Mayflower and came to the New World. They were the first to spread the message of God to what is now America.

I can't stare into the face of the Scriptures and not see that God DOES make good come from evil. God is not evil, but yes, He does use it for good. I can look at the struggles and trials of my own life and see the fruit of good that came from them. I work with children and more times than I can count, God has given me true empathy and words of wisdom to speak into their lives because of those things. Patience with a child who's parents divorced and he was still struggling to cope, even as one teacher told me, "that he should be over it by now." A year when extreme "girl drama" infested the girls in my class and I was able to pull from my own childhood struggles with friends to speak into the situation. The middle school boy, who was so much shorter than everyone else, that I could relate with because at his age I was so much taller than everyone else and was teased as he was. The children who struggles with reading and feel stupid, because so did I. God uses the bad and He makes good come from it, if we let Him!