A Lesson from Cleo

Last night I laid in bed and could not sleep. I was tired but my mind just couldn't rest. I tried desperately to shut it off and just sleep, but that didn't work. I sat up and found a straight line of three cats snuggled up on my right side and one cat snuggled up on my left side. She woke up and looked at me, while the others gave me an eye pop and then went back to sleep. I looked at my sweet Cleo, who at times can be anything but sweet, and told her I was getting up. I crawled out of the covers so I wouldn't disturb them and went into the living room. I sat on the couch and said "here I am, please speak to me!" I was meet with silence.

So I started to talk to Him instead. This woke up Riley and she came out to get petted and then wanted out. Following her came Cleo. Cleo came over and started kneading me, which hurts by the way. I tried to ignore her but she was making it hard to. She was walking all over me, purring and rubbing on me. I finally looked at her and said, "why can't I just be like Cleo? Why can't I just come to You and let You love on me?" I set the journal and Bible I had in my lap aside and let her climb in and lay down. She snuggled right in, purred away and took joy in being petted. How I wished that I could be like her!

Now Cleo is a bit of a meany. She has no problem letting one of my other cats know that she wants the space their in or that the five feet that they are walking passed her is too close. Yet she can also curl up with one of them and lick their head. She can snuggle up and sleep by them, when she wants to. But last night, she was all about loving on me and being loved on.

Cleo did stay on my lap for quite a long time, but then just got down and went back to her spot on the bed. Riley finally knocked on the door to come in, she loves staying outside for a long time at night. I decided to crawl into bed and give it a try. I wiggled my way back in between the three sleeping cats on the right and Cleo on the left.

I wish I could say that I just curled up in God's lap and let Him love me, but I didn't. I tried to, but I was angry with Him and wasn't ready not to be. I'm still angry with Him and angry with me and feeling all jumbled up inside. I wish I could say I stopped wrestling and had a good nights sleep but I didn't. I hardly sleep at all. I don't even know why I am writing this post! I just knew I had to.