Increase and Decrease

"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30

I've always liked this verse. The idea that God can increase in my life appeals to my need to be better, to become more than I am. But it's not that He can increase, but rather He must increase in my life. Too often in my life I allow other things: work, belongings, hurts, and longings to fill up my life; before long I feel myself drowning in stuff. Lately, I've felt like the stuff has been ruling me. I look around, both externally and internally, and I see too much. It is overwhelming me and it makes me feel stuck, hidden, like the real me isn't who others see and know.

Recently, I started to work on the second half of the verse: "I must decrease". God isn't the only one with an active role in this. I have my part too. The physical stuff in my house is being gone through and is being sorted into throw away, donate, and keep. I've made a couple trips already to donate and spent time to fill trash bags with what no one needs. Hopefully when it's all done there will be less stuff taking up room in my home. Walking is helping me to decrease my physical body as well. It's in the early stages, but I genuinely feel better and am one step closer to being the healthy vessel I want to be.

The real changes aren't external though. Long held fears are being dealt with, some I didn't even know I had anymore. I looked up the meaning of the phrase "I must decrease" and it has two meanings in Greek. The one in this verse means to decrease in authority and popularity. Giving Him more authority in my life is vital to losing the fears, the hurts, the selfishness, the control in my heart.

It is a painful road and at times confusing. I long to live a life full of His purpose, but my purposes want to be in control too. They don't want to give up ground in my heart to Him. They want to remain hidden and leave me afraid. I'm sure I'm not the only one who believes that control of my own life, even if painful, is what I want. Somehow we convince ourselves that we need to be the ones in control. I want to decide who is in my life. I want to decide my work. I want to decide the things I enjoy doing and having. I don't necessarily want to give up any of those things. Yet I do want more. More freedom in surrender. More space in my life for what He has planned for my future. More joy. More peace. More of Him in me.

That is why I choose to decrease, so that He has more room to increase in me.