Thursday, March 7, 2013

Not Sure How To Do It

Last night I cried myself to sleep. Remember, yesterday I was over thinking something. Well, that over thinking decided to spread to other areas and I ended up crying it all out to God.

I find it easy to tell Him how I am feeling, how I have been hurt, yet I find it very difficult to tell others. Why? Why do I find it so hard to tell someone that they hurt me? Why do I find it so hard?

I guess I find it hard to do because I don't want to hurt them back. I don't want to hurt others. I know that telling them that what they said, did, or didn't will make them feel better. It may hurt them, and I don't want to do that. So, most of the time I just remain silent.

Then there is this thing called history. I can think back to times when I did tell others that they hurt me and it turned out badly. There was rejection or anger or even turning on me. You know, all that girl drama stuff. Oh, how I hate girl drama. So, I avoid telling people because I don't want to risk the possibility of drama.

Which leads me right back to  do I tell them that they hurt me or  not? Do I tell them how it made me feel? Part of me really wants to and then the other part of me hears it in my head and thinks "wow, that sounds so selfish!".

What is the answer? I don't know. I do know that I can continue to talk to God about it, and here's the important part, I have to listen to what He says to do. So, that's what I know I will do. And I would appreciate your prayers too.

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