A Promise Made

This is one of those posts where I don't know what I'm going to write, but I feel a need to write. So here goes...

Who's for doing something? I mean anything. It has to be better than waiting, right? I mean I see the need and I have a plan to fix it. It might be risking, but it'll be worth the risk. Okay, so now it's time to give it a try. No, don't pray about it. Just do it! Oh, that didn't go as planned. Oh, that went horribly, actually. Now, now the need is even worse off than before. Why?

I have never been the rush-into-a-situation type of person. I usually think about it, wrap it around in my mind over and over again before doing anything. Sometimes that's a good thing. Sometimes that's a bad thing. So, I figure I want different results. You know, if you want different results you need to do things differently. With the biggest area, potentially, of my life I go and make a plan (I'm also not a planner) and rush right in.

Results? Things seem to be worse. Well, how about trying again? Okay, make a new plan, think about this one a little longer, and then go for it! Um, yeah that didn't work either. So what to do? How about keep trying, little things, big things, doesn't matter, each and every time ends up badly.

Then I decided to make a change. A promise, a hard one. I will do nothing without direction from God. I will do nothing without praying about it. I will do nothing. Do nothing?! Yeah, and it is so hard. It is so painful. It feels like forever, but it really hasn't been that long. Doors seem to open a crack, but God doesn't give the green light. Deep sigh, and keep my promise.

I think about Sarah, when she was Sarai, and how she made a plan, a very bad plan. A plan that she regretted, even despised. I don't ever want to be like her. I don't want to create an Ishmael in my life. I don't want to create an Ismael in the lives of those I care about. I don't want to create an Ishmael that will do damage even beyond my own life.

So, I wait. I walk out a hard promise and I pray, oh, how I pray. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I smile because I believe that God has a plan. A perfect plan. A perfect time. And when I forget that and feel like breaking that promise, instead I wait.