Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Restless

I feel restless!

I feel like time is racing by and I am stuck in the same old same old. I hear about other people's news, you know, jobs, babies, ministries, etc., and I wonder if anything new is coming my way.

I try to think about what I can do to make a change. I like to cook and bake, but what do I do with that? I am not chief or baker material. I just like it. I love to quilt, and I can't even find the peddle to my sewing machine so I can't do that. Even if I did, so what?

I love to read, but so do lots of people. I love animals, as if a dog and four cats aren't proof of that. So?

I hear about people doing great things. New ministries. New ways of helping others. They talk about what God told them to do, and I am straining my ears to hear if God is speaking something like that to me. I don't hear anything.

I hear about others' babies, children, husbands. I see their pictures and read their stories. I think of holidays coming up and start dreading the next one right after the last one passes. Holidays are meant to be celebrated with family, with children. The next one coming is my absolute worst one of all. I won't go out that day, not even to the store. I don't want to hear the chipper, "Happy Mother's Day!" that everyone says to women regardless of whether they have an idea of they are mothers or not.

I just realized that all of these paragraphs start with "I". I don't usually share my pity parties, but somehow I just felt I had to. So, forgive me for dumping on you. It's not something I would ever normally do. I guess if I want to be more transparent than that means sharing even the pity party.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Kim, do you not realize, that in making yourself real regarding your hurts and disappointments, you are helping others that you do not even know. I think you have a great gift of writing...I would encourage you to set or start a blog and just share your heart with a hurting world...remember, God never made junk, and is using you in many ways that you are totally unaware...thanks for helping me...love, Sandy