"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14
Joseph sat in prison for something he didn't do.
David ran and hide for his life because of someone else's hatred.
Mordecai and the Jews were meant to be wiped out because of someone else's vanity.
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were placed in a furnace because they didn't worship a man like a god.
Daniel is thrown into the lions' den for not worshiping a man in his prayers.
Over and over again, there are examples in the Bible of people who needed the Lord to fight for them. And He did! Why is it so hard, with so much evidence available, for me to believe He will do the same for me?
The last four months have been extremely hard ones for me. No actual prison cells or lions dens, but repeatedly mistreated based on lies and assumptions, and maybe even other's egos has worn me down. I didn't want to venture outside of my own space, for fear of my mere presence causing more hardship. I feel emotional and mentally beat up. I wish that I can say that I have fully trusted God to fight for me, but as the months went it only seemed to get worse and my faith felt smaller and smaller.
I wish I could say I've been silent the whole time too, but I've grumbled and complained. Yet, most of what has happened I have kept to myself. Not necessarily in obedience to keep silent, but more so because it has hurt and embarrassed me.
Yesterday, a thought came to me that one good thing from all of this is that I don't ever want to make someone else feel like this. Lord, help me to be mindful of others and how I make them feel about who they are and their worth. Help me to distinguish lies about them from truth. Help me to get beyond myself and see them for who they really are.
I need to work on a few things as the battle continues: One, being silent and waiting as the Lord battles. He hears the hurt of my hear,t and since He's the only one who can do anything about it, He's the only one who needs to hear the specifics right now. Two, trying to forgive someone who doesn't even seek it is challenging. I pray these words when I'm struggling to forgive: "I choose to forgive (insert name), Lord help me to forgive". I have to keep praying daily, sometimes multiple times a day, until I know that He has helped me to actually forgive. Three, I have to believe that He is battling for me and there is a victory at the other side. Whether it's only an internal victory or one others will witness, doesn't matter as much as believing there is one. Four, I need to reflect and see if and what needs to be chipped away in my heart and mind based on this. It's easy to just "play the victim", but God uses these hardships to remove things for our lives. What do I need to release in my life that doesn't need to be there?
Joseph was made second in all of Egypt.
David was the king of Israel.
Mordecai and the Jews were saved and he was great in the king's house.
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were given promotions.
Daniel prospered during the king's reign, as well as the next king's reign.
I may never be second in command or named a ruler over anything, but I have to believe that the end of this battle will bring about the promotion that God has for me, even if it's just an internal promotion and no one else even knows. I just need to let go and wait and see what the Lord will do!
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