Every single day, for months now, I do arm weights. About a month ago I increased to 8 lbs dumbbells, and the difference between them and the previous 5 lbs ones is significant. I keep my exercise items in a small closet and every time I open the door I see evidence of progression. The 2 lbs weights that led to the 3 lbs weights that led to the 5 lbs weights. It's nice to have the visual reminder that I started off small and have gradually increased the weight. I can also see a difference in my arms, but they aren't tone yet, but are rather becoming toned. A work in progress.
But there were times along that way that I gave up for a time. They became flabby again. Then the process had to start all over again. Why give up?
I once lost a significant amount of weight due to working out for at least an hour a day, over a long period of time. I felt fantastic and was even within shouting distance of my goal weight. Then I started following the brown diet: brown rice, brown bread. I started to gain weight and couldn't figure out why. I was still working out an hour a day, sometimes more, but my clothing got tighter and the scale was no longer flashing lowering numbers up at me. I got discouraged! All that work seemed pointless! I stopped working out as hard and eventually stopped working out altogether. I later came to realize I am gluten intolerant and all the brown grains, especially my favorite, bread, were causing me to bloat. I let that bloat turn to fat when I stopped fighting against in by exercise. For about 4 months now, I have been battling back. I have a long way to go, but I am working and seeing results.
Losing weight, becoming toned, is not the only area in life that I have given up on something that I truly wanted. Off and on for over 30 years I have longed for my heart's desire. There were many times that I gave up on it as simply a pipe dream. I would solidify my giving up by adding to my internal wall and not letting myself hope too much, feel too much, believe too much. A few years ago I let God tear that wall down and would think about my heart's desire but not do much more than think about it. About 5 months ago, I started to do something a little different. I began to journal about it and pray for it. I wish I could say every single day, like the arm weights, but I haven't been that consistent. Lately, though I have prayed multiple times a day, specific prayers in the morning, but then the rest of the day I find myself sending up quick prayers. They can come at any time and for various reasons; something I saw causes me to pray; a particular feeling comes that leads me to pray; etc. I like looking back in my journal and seeing those figurative 2 lbs, 3 lbs, and 5 lbs weights. They are a reminder of how far I've come in my prayer life and my journey to have God prepare my heart.
This morning as I got ready to pray, I heard that Give-Up Voice. It literally said "why do you even bother?" I smiled and prayed anyway. I knew that voice wasn't from me. I knew who it belonged to. I realized that I must be close to something if that voice bothers to speak to me so directly. I have no idea how close, my human eyes see nothing different, yet he tried to convince me that lack of seeing anything means I should just give up. With my trust in God, because it certainly can't be in me or what I see, I know that I can keep exercising my prayer and preparing muscles. I can focus on my ultimate goal. Maybe I am just a few "pounds" away from my heart's desire.
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