Can and Will Are Not the Same

I believe that God can do the impossible in my life.

I believe that God will do the impossible in my life.

Do you see the difference? It's more than just in the wording of the two sentences. It's also in what I believe deep within me. One I believe wholeheartedly. The other I want to believe. Oh, I believe it in those soul-stirring moments of joy, but in the everyday do I? No, I don't.

I have seen miracles happen in the lives of others. I have marveled at what He has done. I have smiled as others gained long awaited answers to the prayers of their hearts. And I have doubted. Not that  He performed the miracle. Not that He marveled. Not that He answered their prayers. I doubt that He will do miracles like that for me.

In my life He has worked. A lot. I have seen His hand at work in my life, and not just in things others can see, like a house I wanted to buy or a new car when my 12 year-old ride was clearly on her last tanks of gas. Inside me things. Fears released. Healing of long-ago hurts. Changes of perspective. Sins forgiven. Heart softening. Still unbelief festers.

I pray along the lines of the Mark 9:24 "I believe, help my unbelief!" I am very aware of my unbelief, and I pray He would help my unbelief become belief. I know He can. I wish I believed He will.

I have a professional desire that I've toyed with for a few years now. But I worry that although I want it, it won't ever happen. I see no open door. I have knocked, many a time, but it has remained closed to me. Is it because it's not the right time? The right desire for me? Is something better in His plan? Or does my lack of belief that He will stop it from happening? Is He asking me to believe fully before He open the door? Not in a dog-and-pony-show way, a you-must-first-show-Me-you'll-believe-before-I-do-it way, but rather in a my faith needs to increase way.

There are other areas of my life where this is true too. It seems like anytime I tell God what I would like there's this nagging unbelief thing that quickly settles in and chases away a chance to believe. Today, I sighed, hit the submit button once again for a door. I sighed because I instantly went to my believe that He can but He probably won't. The can needs to change to will. Not that I can am trying to force Him to do my will, but my belief needs to change. If it's still the wrong door, I don't want it opened anyway, but that's not the point really. It's that I need to start believing that He is not just a God who can do the impossible, but rather that He will do the impossible. Even if that impossible looks different than what I want.

Lord, I believe, help my unbelief!