You Fulfill Me, Well Not Exactly

Not a video link, just a photo from The Chat with Priscilla

Most of us have seen at least one movie where the cheese line "you complete me" or "you fulfill me"  has been uttered. Those of you who love Hallmark movies, especially the Christmas ones subject yourselves, I mean enjoy watching, characters say this line or something close to it. The line nauseates me. Could you tell? Why do we keep hearing it movies and TV shows? Because people believe it is possible. Well, I don't. Well, not exactly.

Yesterday, I was watching a cute animal video and as it ended the next video came up and it was "What Men Wish Women Know" part 2 from The Chat with Priscilla. I had no idea there was such a thing! Well, I was intrigued but thought I should look for part 1 and watch that first. A quick search and I was watching Priscilla Shirer talking to five men, one being her husband and another her brother, about what women should know about men. I was intrigued but what these men, four of whom were married and one not, had to say about various topics regarding what men think, feel, and need. I had to watch part 2 as soon as part 1 ended. It was an hour of my life that I am very glad I experienced. Why? Not just because I learned something about a man that I hope will help me in a  relationship with one (hopefully soon). But a deeper understanding come to light for me. Bear with me as I try to explain. I'm not sure I will do as well explaining it as God revealed it to me, well, I'm sure I won't.

The saying, "you fulfill me" is inaccurate, but not completely wrong. As a teacher, I have a part of my very existence that needs children in order for it to be fulfilled. I can plan a great lesson, set up a warm and inviting room, and attend meetings (okay, those are rarely fun) but without the kids I am not a teacher. The time I spend with them, the discussions we have, the moments they get a new concept, or the joy they find in exploring books, problems, adventures, fulfill the part of me that is a teacher. I need them. I need to impart something into them for that part of me to be fulfilled. I think that might be why the summer months, although very much needed and enjoyed, leave me feeling unfulfilled. People still call me a teacher when I'm not at school, but without the kids that part of me that needs them feels empty. 

Not everyone is a teacher, so let me explain it another way. Let me try friendship. We are drawn to people who we have something in common with, but more than that, we are drawn to people who speak into our lives. A friend should encourage our dreams. A friend should share in our joys and sorrows. A friend should, gently, point out our wrong thinking and help guide us back to the right path. A friend should be someone we pour into, not just someone we take from. I can call myself Friend only if I am doing that for others. If I'm not, why would they want to be around me? To fulfill the friend part of me, I must invest in others, otherwise the relationship is meaningless. It is unfulfilling. 

So in a love relationship, in my case, with a man, he fulfills a part of who I am not just by his mere presence, but rather because I am needed to nurture the part of him only a wife can. He needs me to encourage him with his dreams he can't tell anyone else about. He needs me to speak truth into his life. He needs to know I feel protected by him. He needs to know I feel provided for, not just materially but also that my heart. He needs to know I believe in him, support him, cherish him, love him. He needs to know that he is my one and only. When I am able to do and be that for him, the part of me that is called wife is fulfilled. I need him in order to have that part fulfilled. I am fulfilled not because he has embraced me and kissed me like in all those movies, but because that part of me is fulfilled as I do my part to be his wife. If I am just in the relationship to have him take care of me then I will never experience the fulfillment of being a wife. I think that is part of why marriages fail. The wife doesn't take care of his heart and the husband takes take care of her heart. They don't do the work that fills the needs in their partner, so they feel unfulfilled and that is the beginning of the end of their relationship. 

If all the parts of who I am are doing what they need for the others in my life then I will experience the fulfillment I long for. 

Disclaimer: I know that our ultimate fulfillment comes from our relationship with Christ. But God expects us to go out and fill the parts of us He created us to be, whether it be sibling, friend, parent, spouse, or in our occupations. He called us to do for others in those roles. When we do what He has called us to do we experience fulfillment. It is an interesting catch 22, in order to be a teacher I need students, but if I don't do for them what they need I am just an adult in the room with them. I need them and I need to impart into them in order to wear the title of teacher. I hope this all makes sense. If not, I hope God will do a better job explaining it to your heart.

Oh, and by the way, I plan to check out more of The Chat with Priscilla videos. You can find them on YouTube.