As I was wrapping up another episode of God Showed me Something About Me: the Pruning Edition, I smiled and said, "God is this bloggable or is this just between us?" Yes, bloggable is a word because I just clicked Add to Dictionary when it said it was spelled incorrectly. Obviously, He said, "bloggable."
This morning I posted about watching two episodes from The Chat with Priscilla, and this evening I was intrigued to see what other episodes she had. I scrolled through them and found another part 1 and 2 and these were with her siblings. I clicked on part 1 and listened to her and her older sister speak and I heard pearls of wisdom, that they either learned from their experiences or from their parents. One that I think is so freeing is about parenting. Her sister, Chrystal, said, "Adam and Eve had the perfect parent and they messed up." They discussed that children have to make their own choices and parents have to let them own their choices. Parents can pray and support but they can't fix their children's choices. Part 2 continued as their two brothers joining them and the four of them shared some of the things they learned through life and from their parents. I took away many pearls of wisdom from listening to them.
When it was over, I started to talk to God. Most times I converse with Him as if He is sitting right there, rather than in a "traditional prayer" way. I've always been the one who looked up when people say "let's bow our heads and pray", especially outside I love to look up at the sky. I don't do that to rebel, okay maybe sometimes I did, but because I feel that as I talk to Him I should be taking in what or who He has created. Sometimes I do close my eyes when I pray, especially when I cry to Him, but not often. Anyway, I started talking to Him in a conversational way about what I took away from The Chat, and in particular what I gained from Chrystal's quote above. For anyone reading, who doesn't know I do not have children, nor am I married. Put I do have a few children that God has placed on my heart, some I only know about, I don't actually know them. I pray for them often. Sometimes I pray for them as a group and sometimes individually. As I said, some I don't really know but as I pray for them I believe Holy Spirit gives me insight into how to pray. For the ones I know, and their choices, I started to pour out my thoughts to God for them based on what Chrystal said. Soon, I found myself in tears praying for them, but also realizing that I want them to be good for me. I remembered a time I had asked one to do something for me, something that was hard to do and I knew it would be a challenge. Well, a few days went by with great follow through and then one day a 180 happened. I was so frustrated by the behavior, but as I talked to God tonight, I realized I was more bothered that it wasn't done for me than I was that it wasn't a good thing to do. I was expecting their decisions to be made to please me rather than to do the right thing because it was the right thing. I felt a pruning snip with that realization.
As I continued to talk Holy Spirit started to show me things for another child, one I don't really know. I saw confusion and a glimpse of a bad example that was potentially defining for this child. I felt this intense need to pray against generational curses that may be at work. That lead me to talk with Him about generational curses in my own family. I poured out prayers of thanksgiving for ones broken, as well as prayers against those that still effect members of my family, even myself. As my time talking to Him about this area ended I felt another snip.
God made me realize that He is still preparing me to be a wife and a mother, or mother figure. He spoke into an area in me that needs some snipping. I have always wanted others to see me in a good light and therefor I needed to be super. The biggest area in my life where this is evident is that I must be Super Teacher. Not that I expect that I will be the best teacher ever; that I know I am not. Yet I wanted others to think of me in that way. Super Teacher is the one parents request. Super Teacher is the one kids say, " I hope I get her as my teacher next year." Super Teacher is respected by administration and other teachers. This year, Super Teacher took some significant hits, and today I realized that part of the reason it hurt so much was because I can't be, shouldn't strive to be, Super Teacher. As that pruning snip became evident this evening, I also realized some of that wife/mother-to-be preparing include breaking the false thinking that I will be Super Wife and Super Mom. I planned, and yes I know it's completely crazy to expect it of myself, to be Super Wife. I planned to always be loving, to always respect and honor, to never argue with him, to be the perfect wifey. God made me admit that there will be times I don't like my husband. There will be times he will say or do something and I won't want to honor him. There will be times I will be selfish and pouty and definitely not Super Wife. Likewise, He showed me that I won't always be the Super Mother I had convinced myself that I planned to be. I won't always be smiley, let's bake cookies or make a craft, or go to Chick fil a and enjoy a meal and playtime in the playroom. Snip. Snip. Snip.
This internal pruning session continued as one area I talked with about He lead to another and another. I cried and I laughed and I learned more about myself. Next week I'm getting my hair cut, and I know it needs to be done. I look in the mirror and I think it looks heavy. My hair tends to bounce when it gets cut. If I say only take off an inch, but the stylist thinks that's too little and cuts 2 or 3, my hair bounces even more and ends up looking much shorter than it actually is. I have had more than one apologize that they cut too much off and I just have to smile and say, "that's why I told you my hair bounces up when cut." I hope that this evenings pruning session do that for me. Make my bounce up and be lighter, healthier, and happier. None of us likes being pruned, but I am thankful for my time with Him this evening and the things Holy Spirit revealed to me to help me pray for others, but also to have pruned away from me.
Disclaimer: my current stylist always cuts just the right amount. She's amazing! 😁
When it was over, I started to talk to God. Most times I converse with Him as if He is sitting right there, rather than in a "traditional prayer" way. I've always been the one who looked up when people say "let's bow our heads and pray", especially outside I love to look up at the sky. I don't do that to rebel, okay maybe sometimes I did, but because I feel that as I talk to Him I should be taking in what or who He has created. Sometimes I do close my eyes when I pray, especially when I cry to Him, but not often. Anyway, I started talking to Him in a conversational way about what I took away from The Chat, and in particular what I gained from Chrystal's quote above. For anyone reading, who doesn't know I do not have children, nor am I married. Put I do have a few children that God has placed on my heart, some I only know about, I don't actually know them. I pray for them often. Sometimes I pray for them as a group and sometimes individually. As I said, some I don't really know but as I pray for them I believe Holy Spirit gives me insight into how to pray. For the ones I know, and their choices, I started to pour out my thoughts to God for them based on what Chrystal said. Soon, I found myself in tears praying for them, but also realizing that I want them to be good for me. I remembered a time I had asked one to do something for me, something that was hard to do and I knew it would be a challenge. Well, a few days went by with great follow through and then one day a 180 happened. I was so frustrated by the behavior, but as I talked to God tonight, I realized I was more bothered that it wasn't done for me than I was that it wasn't a good thing to do. I was expecting their decisions to be made to please me rather than to do the right thing because it was the right thing. I felt a pruning snip with that realization.
As I continued to talk Holy Spirit started to show me things for another child, one I don't really know. I saw confusion and a glimpse of a bad example that was potentially defining for this child. I felt this intense need to pray against generational curses that may be at work. That lead me to talk with Him about generational curses in my own family. I poured out prayers of thanksgiving for ones broken, as well as prayers against those that still effect members of my family, even myself. As my time talking to Him about this area ended I felt another snip.
God made me realize that He is still preparing me to be a wife and a mother, or mother figure. He spoke into an area in me that needs some snipping. I have always wanted others to see me in a good light and therefor I needed to be super. The biggest area in my life where this is evident is that I must be Super Teacher. Not that I expect that I will be the best teacher ever; that I know I am not. Yet I wanted others to think of me in that way. Super Teacher is the one parents request. Super Teacher is the one kids say, " I hope I get her as my teacher next year." Super Teacher is respected by administration and other teachers. This year, Super Teacher took some significant hits, and today I realized that part of the reason it hurt so much was because I can't be, shouldn't strive to be, Super Teacher. As that pruning snip became evident this evening, I also realized some of that wife/mother-to-be preparing include breaking the false thinking that I will be Super Wife and Super Mom. I planned, and yes I know it's completely crazy to expect it of myself, to be Super Wife. I planned to always be loving, to always respect and honor, to never argue with him, to be the perfect wifey. God made me admit that there will be times I don't like my husband. There will be times he will say or do something and I won't want to honor him. There will be times I will be selfish and pouty and definitely not Super Wife. Likewise, He showed me that I won't always be the Super Mother I had convinced myself that I planned to be. I won't always be smiley, let's bake cookies or make a craft, or go to Chick fil a and enjoy a meal and playtime in the playroom. Snip. Snip. Snip.
This internal pruning session continued as one area I talked with about He lead to another and another. I cried and I laughed and I learned more about myself. Next week I'm getting my hair cut, and I know it needs to be done. I look in the mirror and I think it looks heavy. My hair tends to bounce when it gets cut. If I say only take off an inch, but the stylist thinks that's too little and cuts 2 or 3, my hair bounces even more and ends up looking much shorter than it actually is. I have had more than one apologize that they cut too much off and I just have to smile and say, "that's why I told you my hair bounces up when cut." I hope that this evenings pruning session do that for me. Make my bounce up and be lighter, healthier, and happier. None of us likes being pruned, but I am thankful for my time with Him this evening and the things Holy Spirit revealed to me to help me pray for others, but also to have pruned away from me.
Disclaimer: my current stylist always cuts just the right amount. She's amazing! 😁
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