Unfortunately, it's not as easy as just wanting it gone. It seems like it would be. It would seem like having an ugly growth on your heart would be reason enough for wanting it gone. It would seem like the pain it causes would be a very compelling reason to want it to drop off of me. The problem is this chunk is directly related to someone hurting my feelings.
This chunk developed over time. At first it just felt like sadness with the way someone was acting towards me. I know that person was acting out of personal issues and not because of me per se. Knowing that doesn't change the fact that it hurt. Eventually I started to withdraw from contact with this person. I was tired of trying to interact and keep being pushed away. It hurt too much. The chunk started to grow. I withdrew and the other person didn't even seem to notice. That hurt. The chunk grew even bigger. That made me angry and, frankly, bitter. The chunk was getting bigger with each passing day.
Today I realized that the chunk is too big for me. It hurts too much. I mean it really hurts! I am tired of feeling this hurt. I am tired of feeling angry and bitter. I am tired of this chunk. I want it gone, so I came to my blog. Why? Because I knew if wrote about it then I would have to be accountable to myself and to anyone who reads this blog. I would be accountable to let it go and in turn the chunk will finally be chipped away. Honestly, I can already feel the difference.
I choose to forgive. I choose to let it go. I choose to change. I choose to let the chunk fall away. I choose to let God be God.
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