This is the 1st chapter in the death phase of the book. I didn't highlight much in this chapter. Not because there was not much worthy of remembering, but because it's point is simple. It's not easy, not simplistic, but simple: "death brings about a new life that can't be found any other way."
I am sure that I have experienced a lot of deaths in my life, some more difficult to understand than others. Every death brings about a new place, a new dream, a new phase of life. I recently had a friendship death. Actually it has been over a year, almost two now, but it still hurts. I haven't figured out what the purpose of it is, but I have to rest in God, be still, and know that He has a reason.
The friendship died because the other person decided to kill it. She stopped talking to me and even after she decided to talk to me again it was too late. I never knew why she stopped talking to me, she blamed it on busyness, but that is unlikely. Since she was unwilling to tell me the real reason, and we both knew there was a real one, there was always an elephant in the room. It became painful even trying to talk to her. We had become instant friends, and I truly cared for her. If we could have gotten passed whatever it was I would have been thrilled, but it wasn't meant to be.
Then God literally moved me from the situation. I tried to stay in contact, but it felt so one sided. She'd say the right things but when it came time to put into action she didn't. So almost two years later I still feel sad, but know it has a purpose.
It does feel like a defeat. It feels like I lost a friend; I failed to keep the friendship together; I couldn't just look past the hurt and move forward. But I tried. I really tried. I swallowed my pride and keep reaching out. I finally had to realize that death had come long ago and I need to let it go.
The good news is that God knows I desire for good friends, real friends. I've never been the popular girl, the one with tons and tons of friends. I've always been the one who wants a few good, real friends. I believe that from this death He must have a real friend, a true friendship planned for me. I do have a friend or two who are good friends, but I seek that "kindred spirit" Anne of Green Gables sought. I want to grow closer to God and I believe He knows my desire for such a friendship and He already has that friend for me. So this is not a defeat, but rather a death of the old and time of preparing for the new.
On another note, Garren wiggled his toes yesterday! I cry with joy when I read of the small steps in his father's blog. I also cry out to God to the Lord for healing and for the family. I have seen my prayer life soar to new heights since this all happened. Not only for Garren and the Janes family, but for so many areas. The other night I was praying about a situation that seems impossible and I was crying. I grew quiet and heard "be still". Now that is something people say all the time, and of course God said it on more than one occasion. I continued to think about the situation and felt the thoughts running into each other and yet I still heard "be still." I can't deny that was God. I pray that I will continue to draw close to Him and listen and obey His voice.