Honesty time! Today I hoped to get through the day without having an emotional lapse or worse a breakdown. I was not successful!
Facebook reminded me that three of my friends had birthdays today. I went to two of those and wished them a "happy birthday", but the third I needed to wait on. I wasn't sure that I could actually wish a happy birthday. I mean I wanted to, but I wasn't sure how I would handle it.
This evening I knew that I had to take the chance and wish "happy birthday". For one reason, I would never want him to think that I didn't care that it was his birthday. For another, I am an expert at avoiding things in order to not deal. I knew I couldn't just not deal. I knew I had to deal. So I did it.
I was then hit with emotions. Honestly, not as badly as I could imagine, but hard anyway. I struggled with it for a few minutes and then I did what I knew I had to. I reached out and asked for prayer. Then I cried.
Within minutes a bunch of people were praying for me, even though they had no idea why. As they prayed I felt God comfort my heart. I am still sad, but not to the point I was earlier. And certainly not as sad as I have been in the past.
God is healing me. Sometimes much slower than I wish, but He is healing me. Leaving it all in His hands is sometimes the hardest thing He asks me to do, but that is where He has asked me to put it. And that is where He wants me to leave it.