You know what? Waiting is hard!
It doesn't matter what you are waiting for, good news, bad news, someone to show up, and especially God's timing, it is hard! And I have to admit it, "I don't it!" :)
A friend ask me to pray for her waiting situation, which very well be over. I was honestly happy for her. I can't say that I am honestly happy for people when they share there waiting-is-over news. I just think about how I still am, and I get...honesty time...jealous! I know that it's not right to be jealous, but it's the truth. I was glad to realize that for her I was actually happy.
Today I was driving home and asking God about my waiting. Not the usual, "how much longer?" but rather, "why do I even want it?" I asked Him, "why can't I just be satisfied with how things are? Why do I want something I don't have, may never have?" Then a song came on the radio and the line "the same God who leads you in will lead you out" played. I smiled and felt it was for me to hear.
When I got home I feed the furry babies and grabbed the laptop ready to check email and Facebook for any exciting news...I know,I know most of the Facebook news isn't really news. Then I came across this post and I knew it was for me. And in due time Hannah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Samuel, for she said, “I have asked for him from the Lord.” I Samuel 1:20.
I do not know the answers to my questions that I asked God today, but I do know that He makes promises and He keeps them. I know that like, Hannah, all I have to do is ask and trust. I do not know how He will end my waiting, but I know He will. I also know that once this wait is over there will be another one after it. I hope that I learn the lessons necessary in this waiting time to help me trust Him more in the next waiting time.
So in due time!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Influence
Today I was talking with a co-worker and she was sharing how she came to be saved. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing. I think of Aslan's words in A Horse and His Boy when he says, "Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own." So I don't like telling other people's stories, but this one impacted me deeply.
She shared that she used to work in a restaurant and an older gentleman and his wife would come in. He would ask her to go to church with them, but she always made excuses and didn't go. Then one day he came in with his pastor and asked her boss if she could take a break. The boss said she could and she sat down with the two men. They told her she had to be saved. She told them that was the problem. Keep telling her what she needs to be but she didn't even know what that meant. So they explained it to her. Right there, surrounded by chicken, she accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.
About a year later that man died and at his funeral she spoke with the pastor. She said that it was obvious from his love for the Lord that he had been going to church is whole life. The pastor shocked her when he said that the man had been going to church for only about two years. He had been saved at 75!
I'm not sure who prayed for that man. I'm not sure for how long they prayed. I'm not sure how he came to his relationship with Jesus, but I know he was 75 when he did. I also know that he went into a restaurant repeatedly to help bring a woman to her own relationship with Jesus.
I think about the people I pray for to come to salvation. I think about how some are old, maybe too old. Yet, very few are anywhere near 75 years of age. I think about this man persistence to share the love of God with others. I think I must continue to pray. I must continue to share. I need to get a little more persistent.
You never know who you will influence and you have no idea how long it will take, but keep influencing!
She shared that she used to work in a restaurant and an older gentleman and his wife would come in. He would ask her to go to church with them, but she always made excuses and didn't go. Then one day he came in with his pastor and asked her boss if she could take a break. The boss said she could and she sat down with the two men. They told her she had to be saved. She told them that was the problem. Keep telling her what she needs to be but she didn't even know what that meant. So they explained it to her. Right there, surrounded by chicken, she accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.
About a year later that man died and at his funeral she spoke with the pastor. She said that it was obvious from his love for the Lord that he had been going to church is whole life. The pastor shocked her when he said that the man had been going to church for only about two years. He had been saved at 75!
I'm not sure who prayed for that man. I'm not sure for how long they prayed. I'm not sure how he came to his relationship with Jesus, but I know he was 75 when he did. I also know that he went into a restaurant repeatedly to help bring a woman to her own relationship with Jesus.
I think about the people I pray for to come to salvation. I think about how some are old, maybe too old. Yet, very few are anywhere near 75 years of age. I think about this man persistence to share the love of God with others. I think I must continue to pray. I must continue to share. I need to get a little more persistent.
You never know who you will influence and you have no idea how long it will take, but keep influencing!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Suitcase Opening
Ever have one of those stop in your tracks moment? I had one today. My class is doing a book study of the book The Tiger Rising. The main character is a 6th grade boy who stuffs all his feelings in a "suitcase" after his mother's death and his father and him move to a new place, living in a motel. He starts to develop a friendship with a new, strange girl at school.
Today I asked the kids to answer this question. "Why did Rob feel hope, need, and fear when he thought of a friend"? They spent some time thinking about the question and then wrote down evidence from the book to back up their thinking. Then they shared with each other before I asked if anyone wanted to share with the class.
One of them mentioned that Rob was scared of having a friend because he had stuffed all his feelings in his suitcase and he didn't want to let them out. Another student said something similar and the conversation continued along those lines.
Then I said the words that stopped me in my tracks. I said, "Rob believes that if he can stuff those feelings away he won't be sad. What he doesn't realize is that but stuffing those feelings inside he is actually more sad than if he let them out." Yup! I actually had to pause half way through that and realize that I needed to take those words to heart.
I used to be a suitcase, feeling stuffer as well. I believed, like Rob, that if I just stuffed those feelings down and didn't let anyone in then I wouldn't be sad. Maybe that is why I like this book so much. Maybe it's because I see so much of me in Rob.
Thankfully, God did a work, a long painful work, that helped me to open up that suitcase. I started to feel and it hurt so much! I had to let god deal with all those hurts and painful feelings. I cried every day for a year, but it was so good. I knew it was a healing process. I started to let others in and even though I had relationships that led to me being hurt I also had relationships that brought me happiness and ones that still bring me happiness.
This past week I have a had a hard time. Ever feel like everything comes crashing down at once? That kind of week. I found myself getting sadder and sadder. I found it hard to pray. Hard to read my Bible. Hard to even smile. All I wanted to do was cry ad I don't like to do that either, part of that suitcase stuffing thing.
Then today I did something hard for me. In a message I asked a friend to pray for me. Then she asked if I wanted to talk about it. I didn't, but I had to. I knew I had to. I told her part, a big part, of what I needed prayer for. Do you know what happened? I felt a weight lifted off of me. I felt like I had opened up that suitcase and let out what I was stuffing.
I am so thankful to the love and care of good friends. I am so thankful for a family that loves me and prays for me. I am so thankful I have a Father who loves me, prunes me, and rejoices over me with singing!
Today I asked the kids to answer this question. "Why did Rob feel hope, need, and fear when he thought of a friend"? They spent some time thinking about the question and then wrote down evidence from the book to back up their thinking. Then they shared with each other before I asked if anyone wanted to share with the class.
One of them mentioned that Rob was scared of having a friend because he had stuffed all his feelings in his suitcase and he didn't want to let them out. Another student said something similar and the conversation continued along those lines.
Then I said the words that stopped me in my tracks. I said, "Rob believes that if he can stuff those feelings away he won't be sad. What he doesn't realize is that but stuffing those feelings inside he is actually more sad than if he let them out." Yup! I actually had to pause half way through that and realize that I needed to take those words to heart.
I used to be a suitcase, feeling stuffer as well. I believed, like Rob, that if I just stuffed those feelings down and didn't let anyone in then I wouldn't be sad. Maybe that is why I like this book so much. Maybe it's because I see so much of me in Rob.
Thankfully, God did a work, a long painful work, that helped me to open up that suitcase. I started to feel and it hurt so much! I had to let god deal with all those hurts and painful feelings. I cried every day for a year, but it was so good. I knew it was a healing process. I started to let others in and even though I had relationships that led to me being hurt I also had relationships that brought me happiness and ones that still bring me happiness.
This past week I have a had a hard time. Ever feel like everything comes crashing down at once? That kind of week. I found myself getting sadder and sadder. I found it hard to pray. Hard to read my Bible. Hard to even smile. All I wanted to do was cry ad I don't like to do that either, part of that suitcase stuffing thing.
Then today I did something hard for me. In a message I asked a friend to pray for me. Then she asked if I wanted to talk about it. I didn't, but I had to. I knew I had to. I told her part, a big part, of what I needed prayer for. Do you know what happened? I felt a weight lifted off of me. I felt like I had opened up that suitcase and let out what I was stuffing.
I am so thankful to the love and care of good friends. I am so thankful for a family that loves me and prays for me. I am so thankful I have a Father who loves me, prunes me, and rejoices over me with singing!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Uncertainty
I hate it! I really, really hate it! Yet, in all honesty, that is where I live much of the time. The only thing I am truly certain of is that God is with me ALWAYS!
This week I learned that my Kenya trip was cancelled. It was cancelled for good reasons that I truly agree with, but it doesn't change the fact that I am very disappointed and now uncertain about what to do. I could go on another missions trip to Haiti. The August one would work with my school schedule. I could transfer my deposit and the money I have raised so far to do that. I'm just so uncertain.
I wrote and submitted a proposal to create a position in my school district. It might get totally shot down, but I saw a need and have a passion so I went ahead and made the proposal. If it actually happens it would change my schedule. More uncertainty.
I found out the campus I was attending for church has to close and that made me very sad. I understand the decision, but it'll be strange to return to the main campus. Things have changed since I last went there. Not necessarily with the church but more so with me, so I am uncertain about this Sunday.
I have been going to the main campus at 9:00 to pray and then driving over to the other campus for service. So now I am wondering do I continue to do prayer at 9:00 and service at 11:00 or do I do service at 9:00 and prayer at 11:00?
The Seekers group hasn't started yet, and I am very uncertain that I am the right person for this task. I am uncertain of how people will interact with each other, with me. I am uncertain if they will be people who want to know God or if they are people who want to have proof of God. I am uncertain of how I will be able to even share with them the One who I can't imagine living without.
I decided yesterday that I need to find a way to show my students more love. Now I need to figure out the best way to do that. Do I do something for them? Do I give them something? Do I simply write them little notes of encouragement? Uncertain how to show them more love.
Then there are the simple choices of life that I am uncertain about. It's my first Spring in my house and I see flowers coming up and I have purchased some to plant. I am uncertain about where to plant what I have bought. I don't want to plant anything where there are already plants that are going to come up as Spring continues. (Yes, I know it isn't really Spring, but it has been Spring here in NC for a few weeks now.) Where do I put items in my home? What should I add to the quilt I have been making for a couple of years now. I have been creating as I go along rather than have a plan. That may seem strange but it is how I wanted to do it when I started it. I am uncertain about what to add next.
I made a promise to God to leave a certain situation alone. At times I have wanted to poke myself back into it. I love the person involved, but have promised God to be quiet and let Him. I am uncertain that this person knows how much I care.
Uncertain! Please pray for me! Please don't pray that I would be certain, that isn't what I ask for. Please pray for wisdom. His Word says He gives it to those who ask. Please pray for listening spiritual ears to hear His Voice and a desire to obey even when it feels even more uncertain than it already does.
This week I learned that my Kenya trip was cancelled. It was cancelled for good reasons that I truly agree with, but it doesn't change the fact that I am very disappointed and now uncertain about what to do. I could go on another missions trip to Haiti. The August one would work with my school schedule. I could transfer my deposit and the money I have raised so far to do that. I'm just so uncertain.
I wrote and submitted a proposal to create a position in my school district. It might get totally shot down, but I saw a need and have a passion so I went ahead and made the proposal. If it actually happens it would change my schedule. More uncertainty.
I found out the campus I was attending for church has to close and that made me very sad. I understand the decision, but it'll be strange to return to the main campus. Things have changed since I last went there. Not necessarily with the church but more so with me, so I am uncertain about this Sunday.
I have been going to the main campus at 9:00 to pray and then driving over to the other campus for service. So now I am wondering do I continue to do prayer at 9:00 and service at 11:00 or do I do service at 9:00 and prayer at 11:00?
The Seekers group hasn't started yet, and I am very uncertain that I am the right person for this task. I am uncertain of how people will interact with each other, with me. I am uncertain if they will be people who want to know God or if they are people who want to have proof of God. I am uncertain of how I will be able to even share with them the One who I can't imagine living without.
I decided yesterday that I need to find a way to show my students more love. Now I need to figure out the best way to do that. Do I do something for them? Do I give them something? Do I simply write them little notes of encouragement? Uncertain how to show them more love.
Then there are the simple choices of life that I am uncertain about. It's my first Spring in my house and I see flowers coming up and I have purchased some to plant. I am uncertain about where to plant what I have bought. I don't want to plant anything where there are already plants that are going to come up as Spring continues. (Yes, I know it isn't really Spring, but it has been Spring here in NC for a few weeks now.) Where do I put items in my home? What should I add to the quilt I have been making for a couple of years now. I have been creating as I go along rather than have a plan. That may seem strange but it is how I wanted to do it when I started it. I am uncertain about what to add next.
I made a promise to God to leave a certain situation alone. At times I have wanted to poke myself back into it. I love the person involved, but have promised God to be quiet and let Him. I am uncertain that this person knows how much I care.
Uncertain! Please pray for me! Please don't pray that I would be certain, that isn't what I ask for. Please pray for wisdom. His Word says He gives it to those who ask. Please pray for listening spiritual ears to hear His Voice and a desire to obey even when it feels even more uncertain than it already does.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Dream
The other day I had a bad day at work. Not just a bad day, but a-quit-this-job day! It was coming. This year has been a hard school year. I can't put my finger on any one thing but it has been enough to make me reconsider if this is something I want to do until I am old and gray...I dye so it'll be awhile before I'm gray. :)
That night I had a dream that I wanted to share. I think I understand parts of it but not all. That's okay, because God reveals when He does.
I was on some kind of journey. I felt a pull to keep going. Soon I was trying to navigate through a large playing field that was full of kids and coaches. It was hard to get through because there were so many kids and they kept playing the various games as I walked right through them. Many, most, of the students would stop and say "hello". I said "hello" to many of them but there were just too many. I realized I just wanted to get through the sea of kids and on with my journey.
I finally got through and entered a building. The room I entered had a door on the other side and when I first entered it was just plain and kind of dark. As I started to walk to the other door I realized that there was some sort of large object that I had to climb over to get to the door. As I got to it the room turned into a room full of cobwebs that just got thicker and thicker. I climbed over the object and moved the cobwebs out of the way to get over the object and out the door.
Once I got out the door I was in a restaurant that was closed. I loved the restaurant and wanted to stay there, but I felt the need to continue. I left the restaurant, but stopped on the street and looked back. I turned and kept going. All of a sudden I was in a car and it was now very dark. I realized that it was early morning. The problem was I couldn't see. My vision was very blurry. I felt like my contacts had been taken out. All I could really see was the yellow line and the headlights of cars coming toward me. I kept thinking I was going to die and I need to pull over. But there was no where to pull over and I had this pull that kept me going.
Then I cried out to God to help me! Instantly it was daylight and I could see clearly. I continued driving and was so thankful that God had made the sun shine and my vision clear. Then I woke up.
I could analyze the dream and I have, but the most important part for me was the end. When I finally called out to God and He lit the way and restored my sight. I realize that He can make things clear but not necessarily make the final destination come into view. I still had no idea where I was going, but I knew Who was leading me.
That night I had a dream that I wanted to share. I think I understand parts of it but not all. That's okay, because God reveals when He does.
I was on some kind of journey. I felt a pull to keep going. Soon I was trying to navigate through a large playing field that was full of kids and coaches. It was hard to get through because there were so many kids and they kept playing the various games as I walked right through them. Many, most, of the students would stop and say "hello". I said "hello" to many of them but there were just too many. I realized I just wanted to get through the sea of kids and on with my journey.
I finally got through and entered a building. The room I entered had a door on the other side and when I first entered it was just plain and kind of dark. As I started to walk to the other door I realized that there was some sort of large object that I had to climb over to get to the door. As I got to it the room turned into a room full of cobwebs that just got thicker and thicker. I climbed over the object and moved the cobwebs out of the way to get over the object and out the door.
Once I got out the door I was in a restaurant that was closed. I loved the restaurant and wanted to stay there, but I felt the need to continue. I left the restaurant, but stopped on the street and looked back. I turned and kept going. All of a sudden I was in a car and it was now very dark. I realized that it was early morning. The problem was I couldn't see. My vision was very blurry. I felt like my contacts had been taken out. All I could really see was the yellow line and the headlights of cars coming toward me. I kept thinking I was going to die and I need to pull over. But there was no where to pull over and I had this pull that kept me going.
Then I cried out to God to help me! Instantly it was daylight and I could see clearly. I continued driving and was so thankful that God had made the sun shine and my vision clear. Then I woke up.
I could analyze the dream and I have, but the most important part for me was the end. When I finally called out to God and He lit the way and restored my sight. I realize that He can make things clear but not necessarily make the final destination come into view. I still had no idea where I was going, but I knew Who was leading me.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Overwhelmed!!
Usually when I think of being overwhelmed it is for a negative reason. Like too much paperwork and testing at school. Or maybe more bills than money. But right now I am overwhelmed by God!
I am going to Kenya in July. I need to raise a lot of money to go. The amount is a bit staggering. But as soon as I heard about Kenya, actually read it on Geoffrey Janes' FB status I felt the Spirit leap within me. I knew at that moment that I was going to Kenya. I have to admit when I saw how much it would cost I was a bit taken back, but I still knew I would go. The amount still seems impossible but I know it's not, not for Him.
I started a prayer support group. One by one a few friends have asked to be added. Then I got a request from someone I don't know. I know all their are FB scammers out there so I was a bit wary at first. I clicked on the person's name and saw that she was friends with one of my close friends and her mother. I knew that she must have heard about me from them. I was overwhelmed that someone I didn't know wanted to pray for me and my trip to Kenya.
A few minutes ago I got an email forwarded to me from my Mom. One of her friends said that she is going to give to my trip as well. I do not know this friend of hers.
I am simply overwhelmed that God has used two people I do not know to support this trip to Kenya. I am so excited about going. I am excited to see a whole new continent. To see the Indian Ocean. To see animals we only see in zoos in the United States. But I am most excited to see how God is going to use me. I am most excited to see how God is going to change me, grow me. I am simply overwhelmed!
I am going to Kenya in July. I need to raise a lot of money to go. The amount is a bit staggering. But as soon as I heard about Kenya, actually read it on Geoffrey Janes' FB status I felt the Spirit leap within me. I knew at that moment that I was going to Kenya. I have to admit when I saw how much it would cost I was a bit taken back, but I still knew I would go. The amount still seems impossible but I know it's not, not for Him.
I started a prayer support group. One by one a few friends have asked to be added. Then I got a request from someone I don't know. I know all their are FB scammers out there so I was a bit wary at first. I clicked on the person's name and saw that she was friends with one of my close friends and her mother. I knew that she must have heard about me from them. I was overwhelmed that someone I didn't know wanted to pray for me and my trip to Kenya.
A few minutes ago I got an email forwarded to me from my Mom. One of her friends said that she is going to give to my trip as well. I do not know this friend of hers.
I am simply overwhelmed that God has used two people I do not know to support this trip to Kenya. I am so excited about going. I am excited to see a whole new continent. To see the Indian Ocean. To see animals we only see in zoos in the United States. But I am most excited to see how God is going to use me. I am most excited to see how God is going to change me, grow me. I am simply overwhelmed!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Do You Ever Wonder...
Do you ever go through an experience and wonder, "how is God going to use this?" I do. I wonder it a lot, especially lately.
Looking back over my life I can see so many times when something I went through has had an impact later in my life. I can see things that I went through as a kid helping me in my teaching. They were painful experiences but I see how God uses them to allow me to help my students. I can understand the pain and confusion of divorce. I can understand learning problems and the feelings of lack of self worth associated with it. I can remember the times friends didn't act like friends. I remember the times when mean girls were mean in ways that making you feel like you've been sucker punched. Unfortunately, I can also remember the times I wasn't really a friend. I can remember the times when I intentionally hurt others and the times I unintentionally did. Every time I think of one of those times I remember the hurt in my friends voice when she let me know I had hurt her. If I learned nothing else from that day I learned to choose my words more carefully.
But I don't only wonder about it with the bad things. I wonder with the seemingly unimportant times too. I wonder what good will come out of them. I wonder if they will bring about a new experience. I wonder if I will ever know what will come of it. I can think of so many things that have happened over my life that seem to have nothing come of them, yet any way.
Tonight I was sitting in church at the last class of five leadership classes. I thought, "I wonder why God had me come to these classes?" Lately, I have been getting the sense that God is going to do something new in my life. I wonder if some sort of leadership role will be part of that change.
I guess I don't think of myself as the typical leader type. I always think of leaders as outgoing. I'm more of an introvert. Usually I do tasks that are out of the limelight. I'm not saying I don't have strengths that leaders have because I do, but I wonder if they are enough. Then I remember that I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me! If He is calling me to a leadership role then He will give me the strength to do it.
As I'm writing this I realize that an excitement is growing within me for what He is doing, even if I don't know what it is yet! :)
Looking back over my life I can see so many times when something I went through has had an impact later in my life. I can see things that I went through as a kid helping me in my teaching. They were painful experiences but I see how God uses them to allow me to help my students. I can understand the pain and confusion of divorce. I can understand learning problems and the feelings of lack of self worth associated with it. I can remember the times friends didn't act like friends. I remember the times when mean girls were mean in ways that making you feel like you've been sucker punched. Unfortunately, I can also remember the times I wasn't really a friend. I can remember the times when I intentionally hurt others and the times I unintentionally did. Every time I think of one of those times I remember the hurt in my friends voice when she let me know I had hurt her. If I learned nothing else from that day I learned to choose my words more carefully.
But I don't only wonder about it with the bad things. I wonder with the seemingly unimportant times too. I wonder what good will come out of them. I wonder if they will bring about a new experience. I wonder if I will ever know what will come of it. I can think of so many things that have happened over my life that seem to have nothing come of them, yet any way.
Tonight I was sitting in church at the last class of five leadership classes. I thought, "I wonder why God had me come to these classes?" Lately, I have been getting the sense that God is going to do something new in my life. I wonder if some sort of leadership role will be part of that change.
I guess I don't think of myself as the typical leader type. I always think of leaders as outgoing. I'm more of an introvert. Usually I do tasks that are out of the limelight. I'm not saying I don't have strengths that leaders have because I do, but I wonder if they are enough. Then I remember that I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me! If He is calling me to a leadership role then He will give me the strength to do it.
As I'm writing this I realize that an excitement is growing within me for what He is doing, even if I don't know what it is yet! :)
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